You Don’t Have to Be(come) a Woman!

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man does not have to assume the appearance of a woman or become a woman or act like a woman to reject toxic cultural conditioning, harmful stereotypes, or social scripting or to express his countercultural orientation; all he has to do is become self-aware and reject the fiction of toxic maleness that has been forced upon him by Western culture. He can choose to express his homoeroticism and both the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine principles in healthy and transformative ways. The Warrior-in-Balance can be both fierce and gentle; he can be a hero who is equally at ease expressing his masculine or his feminine natures, both in balance.

Don’t you think it’s time to change direction in your life? You don’t want to spend your life as a stereotype, a cipher, or a cast member acting out the script of a third rate play, do you?

Well, at some time in the Orientation Period, I have to ask the men who contact me seeking admission in the Homoerotic Yogic Tantra programs: “Are you a meat puppet of toxic cultural conditioning, living out a stereotype of masculinity, and doing everything according to the social script you’ve been handed. Or are you the incarnation of a Divine Masculine Warrior-Hero Spirit with the task of playfully creating a world in which men can become physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy, whole, responsible, and unfettered, and who can live full, rounded, satisfying lives that are not just good for themselves but good for the others around them?” It’s a very complex question, I know, but if you are of the Warrior Order, the Kṣatriyatā (क्षत्रियता), you know, you feel, you intuit exactly what it means.

When I first heard talk about the gender politics and gender ideologies behind the LGBTQ and the “trans” movements, I didn’t turn my back on it and join the cancel-culture mob promoting it on censorial social media nor the majority labeling it as crazy perverse, I faced it head on and said, “Tell me more!” What I heard was not persuasive, much less compelling, and the word that came up was not weird but hypocrisy. Surprisingly, I did not find the hypocrisy on the part of the majority of homoerotic persons who cultivate the freedom for same-gender/same-sex sensual relationships but in the representations and the propaganda message of the LGBTQ and trans movements that tend to punish those asking them to “tell me more,” rather than enter into reciprocally informative dialogue. Oh, the affectations of the mob!

I wonder what would have become of me and my programs had I assumed that sort of stance vis-à-vis men who questioned the value of Homoerotic Yogic Tantra, and why it was so important for them to become healthily countercultural and shed the fetters of toxic cultural conditioning and stereotypes. But then, I didn’t have Silicon Valley woke culture support of programs that promote freedom of the masculine spirit and healthy masculinity — their agenda’s purpose resides in destroying the uniqueness of masculinity and blurring the sacred meaning of maleness —, nor did the social media Community Standards Police, the censors of free expression, appreciate my celebration of the male Beloved nor my rejection of objectifying men by the narcissist–exhibitionists posting their soft and hard porn on social media to the delight of the voyeur community or their closeted consumers.

Rather, I stand amazed, even saddened, that so many ordinary, low-self-esteem men continue to be enthralled by images of sociopathic, narcissistic muscled men who flaunt themselves promiscuously, and frequently sell “fans only” subscriptions for as little as $5 to “see more”, oblivious to the potential to literally ruin their lives. But even worse still, by posing in their jockstraps and g-strings or pushing their bare asses to fill the entire frame, they are not only objectifying themselves but degrading the whole of manhood. Their stupid displays are exactly the male version of the sexual exploitation women have been complaining of for generations. Those men who enjoy looking at such exhibitionist-narcissists are equally guilty and have their own perversion, voyeurism.

The real damage is just postponed, when you think of the frustration and depression they will experience, once the 30s, and midlife hit them head on, and they have to leave the gym to pursue life in the real world and a dead-end job, if they can even land one. Realize one fact: once it’s on the Internet it’s there for everyone and forever. But they’re not aware of that; they’re not aware of anything.

Maybe I am suffering a sort of ‘survivor’s guilt’[1] when I survey the posts and the images of suffering men, including those muscled ‘studs,’ who, yes, are also suffering; they’re suffering in ways different from the ways, in which the ordinary man suffers; the exhibitionists are lonely and have no real identity, and so they bare themselves hoping to be able to market the only thing they consider valuable, something impermanent, something that vanishes quickly over a very short time, but they still want to be received, accepted, wanted, which they achieve but in the worst, wrong ways.


Think of it this way: Men are born with a body that, unless external forces interfere, develops into a certain body type, which is his normal, natural body. With normal exercise and healthy nutrition, a man’s body develops in natural proportions. He does not look like a chiseled statue depicting ideal body proportions nor is he Jabba the Hutt; he’s naturally normal, which is not a bad thing. Now visualize any of the figures you see on social media, the men who clearly spend every waking hour in a gym and pose with 27” waists, 50” chests and, 18” biceps, posing half-naked or naked, and promoting a fans only site if you want to see “more.”

Those men are not normal or healthy, psychologically or physically, they are narcissist-exhibitionists, a psychopathology, and they are morally bankrupt. They started out with a natural body but decided that they did not like their body — a disorder called body dysphoria —, and they decided to change. They changed their body by spending untold hours in a gym obsessively pushing, pulling, hoisting weights they would never attempt if they had to do so to earn a living. Their sole pursuit in life is to get bigger, and they never reach big enough. Totally self-absorbed, they can only offer their bizarre appearance as a poor substitute for authentic self; they are too self-absorbed to be of any use to another human being. The tradeoff for the now body is disability and obsession later in life, total frustration, injury, and very likely loneliness, because they never learned how to relate authentically and compassionately to another human being. Their whole world is unnatural and excessive.[2]

Identity in the 21st century has become a ‘hot-button issue,’ a neo-religion, but why is it fueled by illusion, dystopia, dysphoria, anger, mobbing, and vitriol? Why so negative? Why has individual reality taken precedence over bedrock issues, and why is there the linguistic battle dominated by the language of Silicon Valley, a language which makes it near impossible for anyone to say what he has to say without fear of suspension, blocking, cancelation, or mob violence? The culture of be this or else. It’s incredibly one-sided.

There is a thinly disguised Marxism in our midst that dictates that power rules, and that human beings in their nature of infinite malleability can, should, and must be molded in the view of whomever holds the utopian or dystopian controls, those with the power. Cower now, submit, or vanish.

The very fact that identity politics[3] is so paradoxically unidentifiable that it has to provide a unique identity for practically any and every human being who is dissatisfied with his identity —let’s call it identity dysphoria —, including his own biology, should convince anyone that the world is locked into developmental stage that froze at the level of a 2-year old, a developmental stage in which identity is highly fluid, a stage where language is stalled at the exclamation ‘No!’ as an affirmation of an uncertain sense of autonomy, and the temper tantrum is the most effective weapon, not because it actually works, but because it is so annoying, so frightening to anyone witnessing it. Now imagine half the human race behaving like a two-year old, and the other half standing by, terrified by the loss of self-control they are witnessing. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Two-year olds like to play games, games like house, mommy and daddy, doctor, and similar role playing, but for the two-year old there’s fluidity, the boy can alternate between daddy and mommy when it suits him. Fast forward 20 years to the now 22-year old who still wants the two-year-old’s fluidity; he wants to be a girl, wants to be called ‘she’, demands that the world accept the identity he wants to assume simply because (s)he says that’s what (s)he is. Identity run amok. It’s all OK because next week he’ll want to be a ‘he/him’ again; it’s so easy to change a profile and a pronoun. But what about the core identity, personality…that’s where the real problem resides. The situation is textbook for sociopathic absence of self-awareness.

One has to stand aghast that a biological reality that worked for several hundred million years, the undisputable fact of biological sex, thanks to compelled speech, has been shelved in favor of individual preference of subjective gender identity — and arbitrary, ambiguous pronouns. The dissemination of this notion and its promulgation even in legislation has wreaked tremendous confusion among impressionable young people; the young have become the sacrificial victims of sinister political agendas. This has become what some have called a psychogenic epidemic, and has increased overall negative emotion to catastrophic levels. Where self-consciousness was once spoken of as a positive attribute of human beings, the new self-consciousness loaded with negative emotion, the experience of guilt, shame, anxiety, confusion; unresolved puberty and psychophysical transformation results in gender dysphoria at best, psychological, spiritual, or physical suicidal ideation or successful self-harm at worst. Add to this mix the problem of male-female physical dimorphism and the perception of body dysmorphia, gender dysphoria, and emotional contagion among peer groups, and the situation approaches critical mass. Remember now that we are dealing largely with young or immatured adults who have stalled at 2-years old psychologically.

Why has this become the problem that it is today? The short answer is toxic cultural conditioning (TCC) and stereotyping, and add to that politically approved, compelled social scripts. For the agendas to work, religion and transcendent spirituality have to go! The solid bedrock of tradition and traditional core values need to be erased and a new foundation of crumbling stone substituted; anxiety, fear, confusion, uncertainty makes any group or population easily controllable.

You see if you are a boy but you are smallish, non-athletic, like creative activities rather than physical activities, like people and cooperation rather than competition, then Western society plants the seed of doubt of your masculinity, you look like a boy but maybe you’re not. Two routes are available: effeminacy or hypermasculinity, both self-destructive mechanisms and both socially mock-worthy. Social media has become the breeding ground for asocial socially anxious people with no conversational ability but loaded with a litany of obsessive thoughts about themselves, and worse, subclinical or clinical narcissism and negative emotion, or borderline anthropophobia[4] or allodoxaphobia[5].

The fact is that most human beings have some level of variability in temperament, a healthy flexibility but that variability does not mean that one’s biological reality is disordered or expendable. At the extreme we have the man who claims to be a woman and who says he feels he is a woman but has sex with women; his claim to be in some bizarre gendered way a ‘woman’ has clearly been disproved! Nor is running away from something like intersexual effeminacy or phallic hypermasculinity into fantasy the way to confront or resolve any disharmony or dysphoria, rather to be mindful and focused, as Homoerotic Yogic Tantra teaches.

Here’s a little psychotherapeutic exercise: Next time, when you go into a social media situation I’d like you to go through the social niceties of introducing yourself and making sure your contact knows your name and a little about you. Do this each time you interact until you have it ‘ritualized.’ Once you practice this approach your interactions will likely not become a source of anxiety because the next thing you will do is make the other person as comfortable as possible, to let him know he has your full attention, your focus is on him, and so by shifting your attention to him, you think less about yourself. The fact is, particularly on social media, the more you obsess about yourself, that self-consciousness becomes negative and the emotional and spiritual chaos makes you miserable, a suffering mass. Just be you, naturally you; not what you think you should be, not what you ideally want to be, nor what you are told to be. Be you.

And guess what? The social media networks are set up in such a way as to provide a stage for all of this to play out; so that casual subsurface derogatory derisive narcissistic mocking is not only allowed by the so-called Community Standards Police (CSP) — not human supervision but AI algorithms telling you, the human, that you’re violating some other algorithm; no dialogue just a notification —, but staggeringly prevalent on the more pedestrian platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, etc. The rampant epidemic of allodoxaphobia, the fear of others’ opinions, means that if you disagree or offer a contrary analysis, you will likely be accused of harassment or bullying by the Community Standards Police, and warned if not suspended!

The closest example I can think of when illustrating the parody of stereotypical males and females is just that, a parody. Take for example is the fiction genre of the romance novel, most of which are written either by women or for women or both, and in which the men in the novels are nothing like real men, because they are men written for women. The same can be said about women in porn — or for that matter, the men in porn —; they are nothing like real men or women, they are parodies. So why do real-life men and women try to associate with them, even to emulate them? Good question. This is narcissistic delusion in conflict with reality itself.

Here’s a little scenario for reflection: Why is it that an image of a soldier in combat gear tenderly holding and cuddling a kitten arouses one set of emotions, while a soldier in combat gear aggressively pressing his knee into an adversary’s neck arouses a set of completely different emotions. Both are men, both are in similar situations, but both are behaving in very different but reasonable manners. What are your emotions when seeing the two images? Why do you think your emotions are different in the two situations? What if the one were kicking the kitten and the other kissing his adversary? Think about your own reactions.

One of the reasons for this is, well, confusion. A man has complex inherent feelings and sensations that really need to be expressed but he, the man, is told that he should not express them, that there is a laundry list of things that he can express appropriately and only those, or risk being sanctioned. So he becomes psychospiritually confused and feels dissociated from his nature; he is now a neurotic.

One of the aims of Homoerotic Yogic Tantra is to show a man how he can become aware of and accept himself (Mascul-IN-Touch℠), and then how he can meaningfully become aware of and relate to another man (Mascul-IN-Timacy℠). He can be both the fierce warrior and the gentle companion, and the outside world reaps the benefits but doesn’t know why. Homoerotic Yogic Tantra is built upon a bedrock foundation of self-affirming masculine spirituality, masculine self-enchantment.

First, let me state that categorically I do not endorse the pitiful label LGBTQ, because I do not lump lesbians and gay men together; they are fundamentally different. Nor do I conflate lesbian and gay with trans; again, they are fundamentally different. The “Q” is yet another story but it has not yet been clearly defined. The Woke agenda is hypercountercultural and destructive in a very negative way, since it has made demands without the opportunity for dialogue, much less compromise, increasing confusion and anxiety to toxic levels. Men have to create a more nurturing, authentic ecology for themselves.

Second, I believe the artefactual gender dysphoria that had been the bane of a conspicuous minority of men for generations is now the gender dysphoria of all of Western masculinity. The confusion, anxiety, and hate that has emerged from the movements over the past 50 or so years, since the 1970s has reached the most insidious, pernicious, and harmful levels by having destroyed the ability to communicate and erased any sense of tradition and core values, while disseminating epidemic anxiety and confusion, propagating negative emotional contagion among young people and intergenerational warfare. The result has been internecine ideological warfare and a sort of inter- and intra-group cannibalism; it signals the collapse of Western society.

While the mantra is human rights, equality, social justice, the truth is quite different. Blurring or erasing completely the distinctions of male and female, masculinity and femininity, demonizing one while canonizing the other has negatively transformed human responsiveness, emphasizing negative emotion like depression, fear, anxiety, anger, shame and guilt while reducing self-esteem and self-awareness. The result is psychic insult and narcissistic rage, an example of which is what happens when one inadvertently uses the wrong pronoun.

That’s the ecology in which Homoerotic Yogic Tantra and the Mascul-IN-Touch℠ and Mascul-IN-Timacy℠ programs were born and evolved, and the environment in which we have to serve. To be clear, our basic homoerotic yogic Tantra precepts are: the male is distinct from the female, masculinity and maleness is inherently good, healthy masculinity is the healthy balanced expression of the metaphysical Masculine and Feminine Principles, true masculinity is healthy homoeroticism defined as creative sensuality, healthy masculinity must include personal and social ethics. Healthy masculinity is possible only with self-awareness, acceptance of healthy vulnerability, the ability to surrender and to trust. That’s a core principle, a central pathway, the camino real of Homoerotic Yogic Tantra.

The self-described gay or bisexual — all human beings are inherently homoerotic — man does not have to express his countercultural persona by trying to emulate a woman or to ‘be’ a woman. The discussion of what a woman is is far beyond the scope of this discussion, and has gone beyond the point of confusion or even reason. Enough said.

Homoerotic Yogic Tantra  does not define what a man is nor what a woman is; both terms are highly culturally bound and biologically determined. Homoerotic Yogic Tantradoes define masculinity and femininity in terms of the metaphysical Masculine and Feminine Principles and nurtures their expression in the individual in a healthy and transformative way. In this sense, every man can be said — and this has been shown scientifically — to be androphilic, homoerotic, androgynous, bisexual, and in my language, amphibian; in Homoerotic Yogic Tantra we do not speak of either/or but in terms of both/and. This is not a New Age or a postmodern concept or mindset, it is an accepted fact that has been taught and described since ancient times, for more than 5000 years, at least.

While admitting that Homoerotic Yogic Tantra is based on ancient wisdom, that ancient wisdom has been reframed in terms of the needs of 21st century men, particularly men-who-love-men (MLM), men who find satisfying, beautiful, natural healthy expression in homoerotic relationship and engagement based on the principles of classical eight-limb or aṣṭāṅga (अष्टाङ्ग) yoga philosophy, and in the framework of tāntric ritual and transformation.

An unfortunate fact is that most men live in a chronic state of self-ignorance, emotional lethargy, transformation anxiety or general depression. They are hyperaware of the perceived need to embody the stereotype of maleness and masculinity, and they have been made extremely uncomfortable with and constrained by that situation. The depression arises in a man’s inability to live his self-awareness, his nature, which because of cultural conditioning must be suppressed. In other words, the 21st century Western man lives a life of chronic exogenous neurosis.

So let me ask these questions again: Don’t you think it’s time to change direction in your life? You don’t want to spend your life as a stereotype, a cipher, or a cast member acting out the script of a third rate play, do you? Have your answers changed?


[1] Survivor’s guilt is a response to an event in which someone else experienced loss but you did not. It is not necessarily a response to the loss of life, it could also be the emotion experienced at someone else’s the loss of property, health, dignity, identity or any number of other things that are of value to people.

[2] I am referring here to those men who obviously want only to exhibit themselves and titillate the voyeurs on social media, some of whom will actually pay to see more poses or even sexual acts performed by these narcissist-exhibitionists. I am not referring to men who in the interest of good health and longevity engage in regular physical activity, and as the result have a buff, trim, proportioned, and attractive body at any age. Basically, this is a question of balance and proportion, something that is healthy and good, versus imbalance and disproportion, which is unnatural and immoral. The motivation must also be considered: Why is the man engaging in the particular activity and what good is being achieved by his activity? Does his activity promote good or evil?

[3] Identity politics, also commonly referred to as the politics of identity or identity-based politics, is a phrase that is widely used in the social sciences and humanities to describe the deployment of the category of identity as a tool to frame political claims, promote political ideologies, or stimulate and orientate social and political action, usually in a larger context of inequality or injustice and with the aim of asserting group distinctiveness and belonging and gaining power and recognition. (Source: Neofotistos, Vasiliki . “Identity Politics”. In obo in Anthropology. 7 Feb. 2023. <, last accessed on February 6, 2023)

[4] Fear of other people.

[5] Fear of other people’s opinions.

It would be very helpful and generous if you were to leave a comment about your insights and thoughts inspired by today’s text. Please use the Comment feature below to leave your comment/remarks for us to read and reflect on.

Dāka Karuṇā T. (William)
दाक करुणा तान्त्रिक

ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॥
Oṃ śānti, śānti, śāntiḥ ||
Peace to you in body, heart-mind, and spirit!

Of course, if you have any questions or need personal guidance, please contact me.

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Daka Karuna

I am a psychospiritual care professional working in interfaith spiritual care. After years of study and exploration I have discerned the path of interfaith, and I am concentrating on one of the most tolerant of all world spiritual traditions, Sαɳαƚαɳαԃαɾɱα, particularly the Yoga tradition, and the ℍ𝕠𝕞𝕠𝕖𝕣𝕠𝕥𝕚𝕔 𝕐𝕠𝕘𝕚𝕔 𝕋𝕒𝕟𝕥𝕣𝕒℠ system and the ᴍᴀꜱᴄᴜʟ-ɪɴ-ᴛᴏᴜᴄʜ℠ & ᴍᴀꜱᴄᴜʟ-ɪɴ-ᴛɪᴍᴀᴄʏ℠ programs , I teach sacred eroticism for men, and transcendence of toxic cultural conditioning through self-awareness, awakening, ritual and practice, and healthy relationship. I am a psychospiritual mentor/preceptor, spiritual guide, retreat master, keynote speaker, and writier but above all, I am a sensitive man, who knows the beauty of surrender and healthy vulnerability. Thank you for joining me and making this journey with me.

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