Chakras: What You Need To Know

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Chakras: What You Need To Know

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The Homoerotic Sādhanas
Tantra:Mascul-IN-Touch℠ and Mascul-IN-Timacy℠

sādhana means you are using everything available to you as a tool for your wellbeing

Your physical presence is part of your ritual space. Whether you are practicing solo-cultivation or dual-cultivation, practicing a sadhana exercise or a full Homoerotic Tantra:Mascul-IN-Touch ritual you and your Tantric Lover are part of the space. You have to prepare yourself as you would for any worship or holy service.[2]

The purpose of opening one’s chakras is not to improve one’s capacity
in the ordinary domains of human life, but to go beyond
our mortal and transient seeking to the immortal essence.

[D. Frawley, Yoga and Ayurveda[3]]

The Homoerotic Tantra:Mascul-IN-Touch Chakra-s Manual has been updated and expanded. The 42-page manual provides comprehensive explanation of the six chakras, including their characteristics, signs of over- and under-function, and contemporary techniques for optimizing chakric function.

A small part of the Introduction is reproduced below to provide readers with an idea of what the complete manual encompasses.

The Homoerotic Yogic Tantra Chakra Manual is required desktop reading for all registered participants in the 16-week training cycles.

chakras man back beveled

Excerpt from the Introduction

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You may have heard of the seven chakra-s but I’m going to teach you that there are only six, plus the Divine Portal Brahmarandhra (ब्रह्मरन्ध्र).[4] You may have first learned of cakra‑s in a yoga class or when you were reading up on holistic healing, but do you know what chakra-s are or how to work productively with your own chakra-s?

Put simply, chakra-s are energy centers in the subtle body, called the sūkṣmaśarīra (सूक्ष्मशरीर) in Sanskrit, that distribute the flow of prāṇa or vital force or energy throughout the subtle body, and manifest signs in the physical body (sthūlaśarīra, स्थूलशरीर). Starting at the base of the spine and working up to the crown of the head, the condition of the six chakra-s influence your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

The chakra-s themselves are not physical but subtle and energic; they interact powerfully with the body, mind/emotions, and spirit, however, and it is important to know this in practicing homoerotic yogic Tantra (तन्त्र), and in the context of our sādhana (साधन) exercises, some of which may appear to be purely physical to the uninitiated but all of which have deep subtle energic and spiritual foundations and purpose.

Understanding the nature, qualities, attributes, activity, correlations, and effects of each chakra is a crucial first step in understanding the importance of balancing your chakra-s and establishing a harmonious flow of subtle energy. It’s no simple task but it is an essential one if you are to fully realize the benefits of your homoerotic yogic practices.

While all of the six chakra-s are interconnected — balance or imbalance in one chakra will affect change in the others — they operate primarily independently and separately, in a sort of autonomous co-operation. When beginning your chakra journey, it is important to balance your root chakra first to create the foundation and stability for personal growth through balancing and health of the ensemble of chakra-s.

Traditionally, the chakras are taught to be triangles, the triangle being the primal perfect form, that spin, thus giving the impression of being like a wheel, hence the name “chakra.”[5] We do describe them as wheels — I prefer to visualize them as spherical or globular, or even better, as an energy cloud —, but that is for simplicity in visualizing them. In fact, when you imagine a triangular figure spinning in three dimensions, you will get the impression of its being a “wheel” or even a globe. Triangles, you will find, occupy a prominent and special place in Tantra and in Sanātanadharma (सनातनधर्म) overall.[6]

I find a simple scheme of the primary chakra-s expedient for purposes of learning and understanding them:

  • The three physical body chakra-s: Mūlādhāra, Svādhiṣṭhāna, and Maṇipūra;
  • The two emotion body chakra-s: Anāhata and Viśuddha.
  • The two higher or esoteric chakra-s, Ājñā, the only chakra associated with the mental body, and Sahasrāra, the chakra of higher consciousness, not really a cakra (चक्र) but a portal, the Brahmarandhra (ब्रह्मरन्ध्र).[7]

    Aside: The chakra-s did not come into existence with Charles Leadbeater or Christopher Hills, although the “California” doctrines owe much to misinterpreters of their ilk. The inventions of misinformed Westerners is an ongoing story. Today there are millions of seekers searching for knowledge and identity, and thousands of authors and teachers of various skill levels, responding to meet the need. A serious caveat to the serious seeker is to avoid the simplistic writings and teachings of grossly inexperienced dilettantes posing as authorities on these complex subjects. Even some of the most renowned writers like depth psychologist Carl Jung, Indologists like Keyserling, Wilhelm, even Sir John Woodruff, who wrote under the cryptonym Arthur Avalon, translator and author of the famous Serpent Power, propagated flawed interpretations of Indic Yoga and Tantra; they were all writing from a Western perspective with a certain academic bias, many could not even read Sanskrit or Pali. Consequently, once their writings reached the public, they were further bastardized.The doctrine of chakra‑s has been around for a very long time; in fact the chakras were first mentioned in the Yoga Kundalini Upanishad (part of the Krishna Yajur Veda) that was written sometime between 1,400 bce and 1,000 bce but it is certainly reasonable to think that they with certainty predate that text by perhaps centuries, if not millennia. Later Upanishads were written between 200 bce and 200 ce. The texts that refer to the chakra-s and the subtle bodies are the Shri Jabala Darshana Upanishad, Cudamani Upanishad, Yoga Tattva Upanishad, Yoga-Shikka Upanishad and Shandila Upanishad. Finally, according to the Sat-Cakra-Nirupana, dated at around 1577 ce, each chakra is said to a have number of petals, a color and a bija mantra.[8] Please bear in mind that these descriptions are more of the nature of aids for mentalization and visualization than real qualities of the cakra‑s.

While Hills is responsible for the “rainbow chakra-s” — classically and traditionally the chakra-s never had individual colors assigned to them, red certainly predominating in most representations of the chakra-s, particularly because it represents energy, blood, and embodiment.

My use of colors attributed to the primary chakra-s is not an endorsement of the teaching of “rainbow chakra-s” but is simply an aid to visualizing the chakra in the course of meditation, and for the aesthetic value of the colors.

Always keep in mind that, when it comes to acquiring real knowledge and authentic teaching, there is no shortcut; you will have to commit to following a path to self-awareness that is based on solid tradition and truth, and one which honestly and authentically serves to awaken our inner resources for you. Take the best and leave the rest!


chakras manual

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[1] This is the Kamadev mantra invoking the god of desire. All mantras should be chanted in the original Sanskrit since the rhythm, syllables, and mystical power of the individual sound vibrations are what endow the mantra with its esoteric power. When a mantra is translated into English or another language, these qualities are lost. The Kamadevi mantra in English means: “Om, let me meditate on Kama [the god of desire ]/ Oh, god who is the forest of flowers, give me higher intellect / And let Manmatha (मन्मथ) [the god of love] illuminate my mind.”

[2] This preparation guideline presumes that you have had any necessary conversation with your Daka or teacher, and that you have been prepared for the sadhana exercise or the ritual by him. The guidelines also presume that if you are practicing dual-cultivation or the ritual with a Tantric Lover, you both have had the necessary conversation about the sadhana exercise, the practice, or the ritual to ensure that you both are fully aware of what is going to be done and you are both comfortable with the sequence.

[3] Frawley, David. Yoga and Ayurveda: Self-healing and Self-Realization. Delhi: Motilal Banarsidass, 2013. Print.

[4] The traditional teaching in Tantra and Sanatanadharma is that there are at least 114 chakras associated with the physical body. In Homoerotic Tantra:Mascul-IN-Touch we concern ourselves — mercifully — only with the six (6) so-called primary chakras.

[5] Triangles have a celebrated place in Tantra. Shatkona (meaning Six) is a sacred Tantric symbol which is formed by the interlocking of triangles. These two triangles represent Lord Shiva (masculine principle) and Goddess Shakti (feminine principle). The upper three edges stand for Lord Siva, Purusha and fire. The lower three edges for Sakti, Prakriti, and water. The upward-pointing triangle also represents Purusha (the Supreme Being) and the downward-pointing represents Prakṛti or Nature.

[6] Sanātanadharma (Devanagari: सनातन धर्म meaning “eternal dharma” or “eternal order”) is the original name of Hinduism.

[7] Some traditionalists would argue that Sahasrāra is not truly a “cakra” but a portal, a gateway to Ultimate Consciousness, and further that it is always “open” even if one doesn’t realize it. I would suggest that such doctrinal sophistication is unnecessary at the level of the mainstream practitioner but it is certainly worth knowing.

[8] See, Woodroffe, John G, and Pūrānanda. The Serpent Power: Being the Sat-Catra-Nirūpana and Pādukā-Pan̄caka. Madras: Ganesh, 1972, and Avalon, Arthur. Serpent Power – the Secrets of Tantric and Shaktic Yoga , 1974.

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It would be very helpful and generous if you were to leave a comment about your insights and thoughts inspired by today’s text. Please use the Comment feature below to leave your comment/remarks for us to read and reflect on.

Dāka Karuṇā T. (William)
दाक करुणा तान्त्रिक

ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॥
Oṃ śānti, śānti, śāntiḥ ||
Peace to you in body, heart-mind, and spirit!

Of course, if you have any questions or need personal guidance, please contact me.

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Waiting for the Godwink or What you seek is seeking you!

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If it is bread that you seek, you will have bread,
If it is the soul you seek, you will find the soul.
If you understand this secret, you know you are that which you seek.
– Rūmī

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
– Rūmī

t’s typical to attempt to control outcomes by applying artificial inclusion-exclusion criteria like external appearance, age, personal interests, socioeconomic status, etc. suggested by your ego, your peers, or your illusions, or simply those criteria already scripted for you by your cultural conditioning. This is very wrong; you are not in control, never were, and never will be. The idea that a person is in control of anything is the root of much of humankind’s suffering; it’s the most core and damaging illusion of humankind. Control requires effort and energy and that effort and energy has to be drawn from some source and redirected away from another aim; what every man must understand is that what he desires, if it is intended to be his, will come to him effortlessly. Neither he nor the desired object, whether a thing or a person, needs to force the conjunction. What you need to do is really very simple: Get out of your own way and just let the godwink happen![1]

Spiritual traditions suggest that our desires are co-created by a transcendent power. Eight centuries ago, the beloved Sufi scholar and poet Jalaluddin Rūmī[2] penned a poem containing a line that still resonates with readers across the globe today. He is said to have given us the axiom, “What you seek is seeking you.” How is it that a Persian poet-mystic said it best eight hundred years ago when he wrote that perennial māntra?

When a man conducts himself according to this māntra, he surrenders to the belief that he’s not alone seeking fulfillment of his own desires or his individual destiny, that fulfillment is seeking him as well. In metaphysical terms, you wouldn’t have a longing or a desire in the first place if some higher power hadn’t inspired it or located it within you.

What Rūmī is restating very concisely is a very ancient and undisputable law of the universe, something that self-help junkies have mistaken for what we have come to know as the Law of Attraction, a popular movement that gets a lot of undeserved attention these days. I abbreviate it “LA” suggesting the abbreviation for Los Angeles, California, one of the capitals of plastic personalities and the haven of myriad fake guru-s; Law of Attraction became widely discussed when the book,  The Secret, was published back in 2006.[3] But Rūmī is far from being the father of popular New Age law of attraction.

Despite the shallowness and narcissism of the Byrnian Law of Attraction, which has become one of those social media–smart phone-age perversions — the basic concept has been around for centuries, even millennia, however. Throughout human history, all cultures have conceived of the notion that that cosmic and universal natural laws; that is, transcendent powers, could be drawn upon to manifest desires and longings, and to attain some form of satisfaction or fulfillment, whether it meant to realize and attain the desired object or to liberate one’s self from the desire or illusion itself.

The underlying mystic principle is that a human being, consciously or unconsciously, attracts events into his life through his energies and vibrational frequencies and resonances. Einstein and Tesla hinted at this in modern scientific ways but when Rūmī wrote the line “what you seek is seeking you,” he was referring to the attraction that occurs between people and objects whose frequencies match — a.k.a. a fundamental law of energetic or vibrational attraction, sometimes referred to as ‘entrainment’ — or, as we might say, they resonate with each other.

The question that the man steeped in western tradition and conditioning, living out western stereotypes of masculinity, and social scripts asks is: “How do I cultivate this kind of trust, surrender to this guidance?”

In this article, I’d like to propose a few ideas to help any man surrender to higher guidance in his life according to this māntra, “What you seek is seeking you.”

Establish a regimen of daily reflection and meditation

Once we start “going to the mat” (practicing reflection and meditation regularly), we stop being under the illusion that our happiness lies in the lap of some external power or person that controls any goal, desire, or longing from attaining fruition or satisfaction. With a regular routine of self-reflection and meditation, you learn to access your ānanda (आनन्द) or fulfillment on a higher level day by day, until it becomes your very nature. When this happens your desires become more fulfillable because their fulfillment becomes natural; in other words, you use your self-awareness and self-knowledge as a way of discerning true fulfillment; your awareness beomes a fulfillment delivery vehicle.

Once you start meditating, you develop an unparalleled access to awareness and fulfillment in the only place you will really find it: within yourself.

Self-focused reflection on who you are, what you are becoming, and what you really want.

Self-reflection, in contrast with meditation, is looking within. When you practice self-reflection, you develop the healthy habit of returning to yourself, which not only enhances your external relations but also your internal relations, which are fine tuned daily through your reflection and meditation practice.

One of the first questions you have to ask yourself is “What do I want?” Follow that question with “Why do I want it?” and a third question — assuming you have a good reason for wanting it — might be “How can I get it?” Naturally, you won’t be able to answer such questions honestly until you can answer the question, “Who am I?”

This is where focus and concentration skills come into play. You see, as long as you hand over control of your thoughts and, when they go to your ego or to some controller outside yourself, you hand over control of your reflection process, which then is no longer yours; the controllers own you.

Furthermore, reflection on these questions should not become work or goal-oriented; the process should remain playful, fun, enjoyable, uplifting. After all, you are becoming acquainted with the real you, instead of the stranger you see every day in the mirror. You are slowly becoming more recognizable to yourself and to your Self.

Try to stay in the realm of desire and longing, reminding yourself that what you seek is also seeking you. Your inmost desire and longing is to be comfortable, truly comfortable with where you are in this moment. Nothing else matters.

Take purposeful and meaningful action; set an intention.

Most people these days just sit and text and sit and chat and sit and wait. Something in them tells them that if you sit and wait, something is bound to happen. It does; you get lonely and bitter. Your dreams don’t materialize when you just sit and wait! You have to take some sort of  action that is purposeful, meaningful, and self-relevant; intentional action. I’m here to guide you to that kind of action. Your happiness does not depend on a job, a boyfriend, or anything other than you. Your bliss already is there for you but you have to mine it; it’s there right now within you; job, boyfriend, relationships, wealth have value only if you are fulfilled.

This is a perfect paradox: the more self-aware and self-reflective you become by focusing on your Self, your inner sanctuary, the easier it is for your desires, longings, and Beloved to find you because you are precisely where your truest desires expect to find you. This is probably so, because once you stop obsessing over every interaction or event or perception, you can stop panicking and running around aimlessly, to stop long enough to recognize your desires and opportunities when they appear to you. Knock, knock![4]

Before I move on in this discussion, let me ask you to ask yourself, “What do I think is seeking me? Next step is to reflect on the difference between that question and “What do I think I am seeking?”

For many of my readers, the Rūmī quote reflects a deep understanding of a the law of attraction; that is, the teaching that your thoughts and intentions draw good or bad things your way, but that modern interpretation is too self-fulfilling, too simplistic, and it doesn’t really capture the real meaning. It has no breadth or depth.

Well, Rūmī didn’t write in English, so we’re saddled with a translation and all translations are suspect. “What you seek is seeking you” is an English rendering of the original Persian text but there’s a slightly different translation of the line as it reads in Persian, where the meaning is more along the lines of ‘What you seek is with you.’ In Homoerotic Yogic Tantra we would say something very close to that: “What you seek is within you.” Seems we’re getting closer.

My two alternatives emphasize that what you’re seeking is closer than you may realize. In fact, it may well be your constant companion without you being aware of it, which is usually the case.

We have to start with knowing the seeker, who he truly is, and this requires self-awareness. In Homoerotic Yogic Tantra as in the Sufi mystic tradition, finding what you desire, what you are longing for, seeking begins with knowing yourself through self-reflection and self-awareness.

Each of us longs to know himself. He longs not just to be finely aware of his own thoughts, emotions, perceptions, feelings, interactions, strengths, and limitations but another part of himself, the ineffable part, the eternal part, the Self, that part of him that is connected to the Source of all existence. Anything, everything you want is there.

Self-awareness is not the same as self-knowledge; attaining self-awareness is one thing, self-knowledge takes a bit more work, and self-realization is the real kicker. It all takes work, commitment, and humility, and the fruits don’t come overnight. This makes it easy for most people to avoid ever getting close to self-awareness, much less self-knowledge and self-realization, because they find it an impossible task to make the time to turn the focus inward — besides, most men are afraid of what they might find there. There’s always work, family, friends, and social media demands to distract them.

But focusing inward may be the key to finding what you seek, at least in the beginning.

I admit that much of what a man seeks on a day-to-day basis is related to the basic necessities of survival. But when things like shelter, food, and security have been met, second level desires can be considered such as career, relationships, better health, and social life, recreational interests.

One of the most troubling things I hear from men on social media is: “I’m looking for a long-term relationship.” It’s almost as if they think or expect that if they look for a long-term relationship, it’s going to happen. I just don’t understand how adult men can be so childish to think that long-term relationships happen right out of the box. They become almost frantic when they hear they can’t just “find a long-term relationship;” it doesn’t work that way. You have to find a twin flame and co-cultivate a seedling relationship, and nurture it constantly over a lifetime. In order to even start the process, you have to be self-aware, vulnerable, capable of surrendering, trusting; the other must do the same. The two Beloveds must be of the same temperament, on the same vibrational frequency; if they are not, they will short circuit. Both will be wounded, suspicious, unable to surrender.

Somewhere between the first level necessities and the second level desires we find the esoteric, metaphysical longings, let’s call them spiritual longings. These longings are often related to deeper needs, such as:

  • a sense of meaning and purpose
  • self-actualization or self-realization, or the fulfillment of one’s true potential
  • direction, or a path to attainment of bliss, true joy
  • a sense of belonging, relationship, connection, with yourself, others, and with a deeper source

Perhaps it would be more accurate to describe these as ‘bridge’ or ‘transitional’ longings because they empower or energize seeker to transition from the 1st level to the the 2nd level desires and longings.

The lamp is a common metaphor used in many mystic and spiritual teaching traditions. Some seekers may be more concerned with the physics of how the lamp works, how it functions. Is it working efficiently? Is the wiring safe? Does the design fit the room? But we, as practitioners of the philosophy, spirituality, and science of yogic Tantra, are more concerned with whether the lamp is plugged into a reliable power source.[5]

Now we are faced with the question of how do we connect to an inner, reliable power source? And once we’re plugged in, how do we develop the self-awareness and self-knowledge we need in order to find what we’re really seeking? In other words, it is a question of how we use the reliable power source to power the lamp that lights the path to fulfillment; it’s the same lamp that serves as the beacon guiding the desired, the longed for object to your heart, where it will find you.

Again, I cannot overemphasize that you must have solid grounding in personal and social ethics; you have to be able to effectively discern what is going on around you; I mean you must be able to separate the gems from the junk. Through self-reflection, meditation, self-awareness, and practicing the yogic yama-s (यम) and niyama-s (नियम) you will be able to liberate yourself from the fetters of toxic cultural conditioning, harmful stereotypes, and social scripts that imprison your Divine Masculine Spirit and stifle the inner voice.[6] You’ll be reachable and accessible.

How can you say you want love when you don’t know how to commit to even the most accessible love, self-love? How can you say you want love when you keep setting booby traps for yourself that prevent what is seeking you from finding and engaging you? How can you say you want to love and be loved if all you can do is look at the superficial, without seeing the Divine in the Other? Well, how?

Most spiritual traditions, particularly Yoga (योग) and Tantra (तन्त्र) have no problem describing a clear method and sequence to clear the way for the mystical marriage of two Divine Masculine Spirits, such as:

Reflection and Meditation

There are many, many methods taught for reflection and for meditation practice, and all reflection/meditation becomes personal method over time. For our basic purpose here, let’s just say that meditation is a practice of intentionally quieting your mind, bracketing the outside world, and focusing consciousness. Depending on the type of reflection/meditation you practice, you might be:

  • Sitting meditation or meditation in a specific posture called an āsana (आसन).
  • Breath focused meditation, called prāṇāyāma (प्राणायाम)
  • Sequence meditation, moving through a set of steps or movements
  • Māntra (मन्त्र) meditation by reciting a māntra or sacred word
  • Nyasa (न्यास),  bandha (बन्ध), mudra (मुद्र) meditation, touching, tightening and relaxing parts of the body
  • Engaging in ‘prayer’
  • Reflection on blessings or boons received
  • Visualizing
  • Focusing on the Inner Voice

There is scientific proof that reflection and meditation enhance one’s ability to perceive and acknowledge what is happening within the body; this is called interoception.[7]

Reflection and meditation also allows you to “witness” your experiences, perceptions, emotions, attitudes, and thoughts. When you develop these skills, you have the power to actually transform your perception of your Self.

A particularly effective basic meditation method might use movement, deep breathing, and guided imagery or visualization to help the practitioner focus and concentrate on his physical heart, for example.

Let go of any perceived limitations, illusions, addictions/attachments

Thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, patterns, habits, attachments, etc. are just some of the obstacles that prevent you  from finding what you seek. Learn to identify the obstacles, once you identify them, you name them, and once you name them you have power over them. It is unwise to attempt to suppress them or to ignore them; rather, learn to use the energy you have invested in them to nurture more positive pursuits.

Discernment[8] is not easy, particularly when a man has to be both in the world and of it. If we were all monks living in a closed and orderly community, the task would be far easier. But we’re not monks; we live in a wide world full of paradox, contradictions, diversity, illusions, distractions, attractions, all food for monkey-mind and all with the sole purpose of eating us alive. Being in the world makes discernment very difficult, particularly when a man lacks focusing skills that would allow him to be single-pointed, and thus single-minded, when necessary, which means always and constantly.

You may not be able to do it alone. It may be helpful for you to work with a mentor; if so, you will want to work with a mentor who affirms your spirituality, even if he doesn’t share your own belief or philosophical tradition or orientations. If he practices non-judgment and unconditional acceptance, he is the right choice. If he tries to indoctrinate you, convert you, or push you in a direction in which you are uncomfortable, run away![9]

Don’t curse the darkness, light a candle; find a mentor

Most men feel that it is important, even essential to find a mentor who can provide guidance that is spiritually affirming, and who can support them in their spiritual challenges. I agree. No mentor should try to change you; rather, he should provide you with the wiggle room to make your own decisions, follow his gentle guidance, and transform at your own pace.

When psychospiritual guidance is spiritually adapted, that is, when it integrates spiritual values, psychospiritual distress is reduced, and spiritual well-being increases in men receiving such guidance.

Keep in mind also that a mentor’s value is not only in his spiritual guidance skills but he’s also able to become a valuable asset when you are coping with physical and emotional challenges. He doesn’t do this by providing you with answers but by guiding you to find your own answers, which then become yours; you own your solutions, in other words.

Once a seeker recognizes whatever it is he desires or is longing for, he must enter into dialogue with his mentor; his mentor is a guide and companion on his quest. A popular saying among authentic spiritual mentors its: “There are many guru-s but few disciples.” This is very true everywhere, and this is where the Rūmī quote applies with particular relevance. Avoid any so-called teacher who has to push his program or any teacher who claims to be right for you, or offers a one-size-fits-all program. You may be seeking a mentor but be patient, he will find you. That’s how it works. You will know because what he has to say will resonate deeply within you, and you will feel a sense of sync; you will be in ‘entrainment’ with him. The mentor should be a man, who has already achieved “it” and listens to what he’s learned. Listen and reflect on what he has to say, even if you disagree, even if he says nothing. An authentic mentor’s silence also speaks volumes; his silence means that he is deeply listening to your words and to your own silences, and to voices, to which you may not yet be attuned. His guidance as a teacher or mentor will have a profound effect on your attainments.

The authentic mentor will have many of the following traits:

  • He will be mature and have lived experience.
  • He will be able to appropriately communicate and share his relevant expertise in ways that resonate with the seeker, his disciple.
  • He will lead by example, generally as a servant leader.
  • He will radiate authenticity and integrity.
  • He will selflessly devote time and energy to the mentoring process.
  • He will create growth opportunities in his disciple.
  • He will urge experimentation and imagination in the disciple.
  • He will provide honest feedback.
  • He will be aware of and sensitive to the beloved disciple’s strengths and challenges.
  • He will be in a loving relationship with the disciple.
  • He will inspire his disciple to feel safe and ready to accept healthy vulnerability and surrender.

It’s best to avoid any extracurricular reading in the subject matter until you have been thoroughly initiated into the Homoerotic Yogic Tantra system, and have completed at least the solo-cultivation Mascul-IN-Touch℠ program cycle. Dāka (दाक) has spent a lot of time preparing your study materials and your practice and exercise modules; you will have little time for other reading. The world is drowning in so-called self-help books written and marketed by fake guru-s and gobbled up by ignorant consumers seeking instant gratification and confirmation of their own misguided patterns. Avoid them at all costs.

By reading such self-help books I have been able to identify the fools of the world.

I am an avid reader and feel that reading and study is an essential part of a man’s evolution to realization but by reading books by people who claim to have been on the path, a seeker does not find the wisdom that a trusted personal teacher or mentor provides.

While books may inspire and motivate, and broaden your perspective, they generally describe one person’s path through the eyes of that one person. Only after you have attained a degree of competence in spiritual discernment will you be able to separate the gems from the junk you may read. Only an authentic mentor can guide you to attaining such powers of discernment. If your mentor assigns readings for you, those readings are right for you.

It is important that you make your own experiences; don’t rely on the experience of others to guide you, unless they’re your mentor’s, and even then question. I hinted at this when I spoke of books and reading, particularly books like Byrne’s The Secret — which was never a secret for at least 5000 years —, introducing the New Age law of attraction, and discussed briefly above.

Many of today’s problems as experienced by the seeker are because the seeker is living vicariously through others’ experiences, and attempting to live those experiences in his own particular context. This simply does not work; the situations are far too complex. The only way a seeker can expect to reach his goal is to follow his inner voice with the guidance of an authentic mentor, not with the guidance of a social media contact or a Facebook friend or a self-help book.

Your life and path is not a lab experiment where you have a hypothesis, and you try to test it, making observations that confirm your idea, and then believing it is true and real, you attempt to apply it and then fail. It may very well be true and real but it may also be an illusion, or worse. It’s inadvisable to accept any external proposition as is; you must be able to discern its truth and reality for you, you may then attempt to apply it, adopt it, and even own it.

The take-home message is that what you are seeking is seeking you. “What you seek is seeking you” can be interpreted in many ways. Looking at this poetic line through the lens of Sufism, Rūmī’s faith tradition, reveals that its meaning may be closer to the phrase, “Everything you seek is already within you.” But that’s a core principle of traditional Yoga (योग) and Tantra (तन्त्र), and is the starting point for every seeker following Homoerotic Yogic Tantra and practicing the Mascul-IN-Touch℠ system.

The path to finding what your heart-mind desires can begin with understanding who you are — beyond your experiences, your diagnoses, and your physical body. It’s a journey where each step is accompanied by a perception, an experience, a narrative. You are empowered by a Divine power grid, think of it as GPS, god’s power system, that provides reliable power to the lamp that radiates the light of enlightenment and true liberation.

You can try to look inward through reflection and meditation, change the patterns that have held you back, and learn from those around you — and find what works for you.

Spirituality is a beautiful thing, and it is liberating; a man turns to spirituality when he’s struggling, and it’s in spirituality that he finds a deeper meaning.

If something in this article resonates with you, seek it more deeply.

[1] “Godwink (pl. godwinks) is an occurrence, event or, personal experience, often called coincidence or attributed to some metaphysical force, so astonishing that it is seen as a sign of divine intervention, especially when perceived as the answer to a quest, a deep desire, a wish, or even a prayer. American author S. Rushnell is credited with coining the term in a 2006 book, Divine Alignment. While I do like some of the neologisms, I do recommend healthy skepticism when reading such books.

[2] Jalāl al-Dīn Muḥammad Rūmī, popularly known simply as Rūmī (30 September 1207 – 17 December 1273), was a 13th-century Persian mystic poet, scholar, theologian and Sufi mystic  Rūmī’s influence transcends national borders and ethnic divisions and the world has greatly appreciated his spiritual legacy for the past seven centuries. His poems have been translated into most of the world’s languages and transposed into various traditions. Rūmī has been described as the one of world literature’s most popular poets and the most quoted poet in the United States, and probably worldwide

[3] Byrne, Rhonda. The Secret. Atria books / Beyond Words hardcover ed. Atria Books; Beyond Words 2018. Byrne’s book introducing the “law of attraction” scam, was launched in the thick of the social media/smart phone age, and it preaches a troubling narcissism and pitches an “I’m the center of the universe” angle that simply restates the misguided ideas of previous so-called self-help pundits. While the previous books may be read to offer well-meant or even reasonable advice for their times and ecologies, The Secret is bloated with disordered clichés, moronic quotes, and superstitious twaddle. It’s one of those insidiously harmful social scripts in a play promoting entitlement and self-absorption; anyone who attempts to implement such advice in real life or takes it seriously as a panacea for life’s challenges is on a path to self harm over the longer term. (See also, The Staggering Bullshit of “The Secret”.)

[4] I caution you not to make the mistake of thinking I am talking about me-enhancement, the entitlement generation, iGen or anything similar. This discussion is not about self-enhancement but about self-awareness, and seeks to affirm the concept of union and unity embodied in yogic and tāntric science and philosophy.

[5] Of course, the ancient sages didn’t have electrical lamps but they did have oil lamps, and the metaphor is still applicable, making the necessary alterations, of course.

[6] The yama-s and niyama-s are the personal and social ethical principles of traditional aṣṭāṅgayoga (अष्टाङ्गयोग) or 8-limbed yoga. The eight limbs are are structured system in which the personal and social ethical principles form the basis for the rest of the system; in Homoerotic Yogic Tantra I teach them as self-standing principles fundamental to the Warrior virtue system.

[7] Now would be a good time to distinguish between reflection and meditation as I am using the terms in this essay. In reflection, the purpose is to engage the mind. Unlike meditation where the purpose is to turn off or dim our thoughts, let go of monkey-mind, in reflection you activate and engage the thinking process. You actively focus and think about something in particular — a goal, challenge, situation, decision, or simply information that you’ve acquired.

There is also a distinction between practice of meditation and practice of reflection within the domain of zen mindfulness. Mindfulness meditation practice helps you to develop concentration and stillness, which allows you to penetrate into a deeper understanding of the nature of reality. Reflection practice gives you insight into your own mind processes. It allows you to understand how you function and provides you with insight into our strengths and weaknesses. It helps you to effectively and meaningfully analyze ourselves and others. When you reflect on your thoughts and perceptions, or on your life, you approach a higher level of self-awareness.

Meditation, on the other hand, has the capability of rewiring the brain so that some neural connections are moderated, while new connections more efficacious ones are created. You see yourself and others from a different perspective. Overall anxiety is reduced, and your capacity to harmonize and empathize is enhanced. Rather than taking every stimulus and perception personally, you become more balanced and rational in your interpretations and responses.

[8] In yogic tāntric terms, discernment is what we call viveka (विवेक), a process of moving beyond raw perceptions (what you think you know) to more refined non-judgmental interpretation of those perceptions (what they really are); in other words discernment leads you to distinguish between the real and the unreal, truth from untruth, reality from illusion, and enables you to separate the gems from the junk.

[9] All change and transformation is accompanied by some degree of discomfort or unease but when I say “uncomfortable” I mean inwardly uncomfortable; something deep within you is telling you that something is not right.

It would be very helpful and generous if you were to leave a comment about your insights and thoughts inspired by today’s text. Please use the Comment feature below to leave your comment/remarks for us to read and reflect on.

Dāka Karuṇā T. (William)
दाक करुणा तान्त्रिक

ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॥
Oṃ śānti, śānti, śāntiḥ ||
Peace to you in body, heart-mind, and spirit!

Of course, if you have any questions or need personal guidance, please contact me.

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Understanding Toxic Cultural Conditioning (TCC)

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The adjective “toxic” has become quite commonplace in both sociology, social psychology, and urban slang. It’s a very meaning-packed modifier that is effective both denotatively (its dictionary definition) and connotative (its suggestive or implied meaning, or the emotional association with the word). It’s used to describe work environments, corporate culture, family dynamics, interpersonal relations, and many other situations. In fact, it can describe circumstances in terms of both situational — as determined by an environment or surroundings— as well as dispositional —as determined by internal factors such as personality traits.

In my professional writing I have coined the phrase “toxic cultural conditioning,” (TCC) which I would like to define and characterize in this essay, both for the benefit of general audience as well as to clarify its meaning for my followers and disciples in the Homoerotic Yogic Tantra programs, Mascul-IN-Touch℠  and Mascul-IN-Timacy℠.

Before I continue, it is important that you understand that this is a very concise and general treatment of the subject matter, and is not intended to be comprehensive in any way. This is a very complex and multifaceted topic and, if in-depth study and practice is your intention, the practice should be approached only with the guidance of a competent mentor.

A toxic culture is any environment that is characterized, and dominated by practices, policies, stereotypes, and social scripts that perpetuate unhealthy habits and conflicts within, between, and among individuals exposed to that culture.

Conditioning is a psychological technical term that can be distinguished as social or cultural. Social conditioning is a process of indoctrination of individuals in a particular society or group to act or respond in a manner approved by the society or peers. Through social conditioning he is said to be socialized or made compatible with the society.

Cultural conditioning is a process through which the individual is exposed to, absorbs, and internalizes the values, behaviors, norms, expectations, stories, narratives, mythologies, etc. from his environment, and interprets them into what he believes to be acceptable or expected behaviors. Through cultural conditioning, the individual is acculturated or made compatible with the culture.

I adopted a 5-step process for both adopting and rejecting cultural conditioning. These are awareness, discernment, self-modeling (fine-tuning), detachment, and reflection (evaluation). Although I present these “steps” as discrete units, they should be conceived of as cooperating, overlapping, and interacting in many respects.

Toxic cultural conditioning adversely affects everyone, particularly men, and its insidious negative effects are frequently subconscious; they are felt by everyone, and the onus of corrective action is borne by everyone in the culture. Because so much of TCC has been normalized, it becomes a very difficult task to recognize the resulting adverse effects and negative behaviors but here are some products of TCC:

  • Aggression (physical, verbal, emotional, etc., passive or active)
  • Poor communication (hesitance or inability to say what you mean, to get something off your chest, a feeling of never being fully understood or truly authentic )
  • Toxic (there’s that word again) relationships
  • Addiction or unhealthy attractions (particularly social media, pornography)
  • Resentment (meaning a negative emotion that involves obsessive review of a negatively perceived event)
  • _tcc-warning tcc signs text.png
    Emotional & physical abuse (both self-abuse and other-abuse; can manifest in many expressions)
  • Self-esteem issues (neurosis, sociopathic behaviors, self-harm)

On the individual level, there are a number of warning signs to be aware of if you are in a TCC environment, particularly when you feel or experience that you:

  • are being manipulated into acting in a particular way or doing something you don’t feel comfortable doing;
  • are frequently confused as to the behavior expected of you (like watching the Superbowl); 
  • long for acknowledgement or signs of appreciation but they never materialize;
  • feel like you are on the defensive or have to raise the force fields when in social situations;
  • never feel really at ease or comfortable in mixed company;
  • continually question yourself, your desires, urges, behavior;
  • do not feel that you are realizing your true self or living your true nature;
  • feel stifled, asphyxiated, stymied in expressing your true feelings or emotions;
  • have a feeling of frustration, emptiness or loneliness in your life, despite family, friends, and even a relationship;
  • question your self-worth, meaning, or purpose.

Clearly, many of the above issues are part of normal inner life, and under the guidance of a mentor, may be the raw material for positive transformation; under the influence of TCC they take on a more sinister role, however.

The few examples I provide above are certainly not exhaustive but they provide a good idea of the feelings that TCC can produce in a man. It’s important to realize that TCC works on a continuum; the stress is continuous and ubiquitous and the effects cumulative.

So, what can a man do to confront TCC? Well, this is where the 5 steps come into operation.



When I teach awareness, I make clear that awareness exists at three levels: awareness of the physical environment, the world; awareness of your mental/emotional states and traits; awareness of your psychospiritual disposition. For men who come to Homoerotic Yogic Tantra as seekers, there are a number of methods I use to diagnose these awarenesses such as self-assessments, personality inventories, writing, orientation practices and exercises, regular conversation and sharing.

Awareness is acknowledging what is there; it operates closely with the process of discernment, clear thinking, and focus. I’ll be honest: awareness can be an unpleasant experience at first because the seeker may find that he has been a stranger in the mirror; it can be the experience of one’s self as schizoid, split, not completely whole, but it will empower you to identify what needs to change and how, and to decide on a path to follow.

I feel that awareness is foundational to everything else that follows, similar to the personal and social ethical principles of aṣṭāṅga yoga; without awareness, all the rest doesn’t work. Awareness provides a roadmap for the transformation process.[1]


The term in this second step is “discernment” which provides for clear thinking, reliable judgment, and plausible intentional action.[2] Imagination (not fantasy) plays a substantial part in my implementation of healthy “expectation.” Whether you prefer the term “expectation” or “discernment” the awareness stage is the prerequisite foundation, without which any healthy expectation or discernment would be impossible.

Too much of a man’s life is lived in expectation of some future result or returns; he is so conditioned to “expect” or to anticipate, that he does it automatically, unconsciously. This is a perilous and self-destructive pattern. From a lifestyle, mindset, or spiritual viewpoint, all expectations and anticipations are Trojan horses that sooner or later bring him unnecessary suffering misery. Suffering and misery in a lifestyle or mindset of expectations is inevitable because his expectations and desires become all-consuming and unappeasable.

Without discernment, no true progress can be made towards attaining liberation from the effects of TCC, particularly the problem of unhealthy expectation.


I think that modeling, too, is an unfortunate term. Modeling would connote assuming a pose (poses tend to be contrived) or a posture (which involves input to achieve a desired effect), all of which is artificial, something we are trying to correct in the first place. With awareness and discernment (“expectation”), the goal may be modeling but modeling in a self-authentic way, not in the way some authors might propose. The true self is the model template; you do not look at other men so you can model after them, ape them, become them. No! You are a unique being, you need to be aware of your true self and model only your true self. Modeling others is more a component product of TCC than of authenticity and self-awareness, and implies a form of stereotyping.

Modeling others, you become a cipher, a stereotype; by modeling your true Self you become a counterstereotype, and being counterstereotypical, you become the model.

Take some time to self-reflect, to search and re-search within yourself; then have a chat with your mentor; get involved in the Homoerotic Yogic Tantra programs; join 108 Days of Reflection & Meditation, become a member of a saṅgha (सङ्घ) or community of like-minded men. Re-examine how you are currently living and decide honestly if it’s the way that you want to live, or where you find inspiration that will empower you to consistently attain the fulfillment you seek for yourself. 


If you reflect on your life you will find that most of suffering or painful memories were caused by either something unexpected happening or something expected not happening. ‘Expectation’ is always the cause (see discernment, above). A man must practice detachment or avoid attachment and becoming dependent on expectations; in yogic Tantra it’s called vairāgya (वैराग्य).

As I mentioned above, expectation is a booby trap, a Trojan horse that results in suffering; for example, we are told it is “natural” to feeling a little depressed or frustrated when one doesn’t meet his expectations or when he doesn’t receive acknowledgement of progress he may have made; as I mentioned above, it is unnatural to dwell on or obsess over the situation.

For iGen men, expectation has become more of a trait than a state, and they are suffering as a result.

Self-realization is a journey, and your positive attainments will accrue with every step.

Homoerotic Yogic Tantra adopts the teaching of karmayoga (कर्मयोग) or the yoga of action, which I teach as ease in action.[3] This concept is captured in a verse in the Bhagavad Gītā (भगवद्गीता), and quoted as the distillation of karma yoga: “Do the action, but don’t be attached to the fruit thereof.” This is the essence and clearly applies to any action; again, awareness and discernment come into play, because detachment can be easily misunderstood if there is a lack of clarity as to what constitutes the action and what is understood to be the fruit.

At the root of the common confusion is the tendency is to divide any action into start, middle and end rather than as a continuum, and then considering the end result to be the fruit of action; the fact is that the entire project, start, middle, and end, from the start to finish, is the karma or action.[4] Action is a holistic process or movement of thought, speech, and activity towards any target, from start to finish.

By applying the principle of detachment, one can identify the fruit of the action. The fruit is the actor’s intention motivating the action. To take the example of a project, if one inquires honestly as to what is the intention motivating the action, one will discern that the true inner motivation is for a promotion, a pay rise, award, recognition, etc. All such motivations are what we define as the fruit of the action. In other words, the fruit of the action is always what the actor expects and not intended for the sake of the action itself. As long as the actor is attached to the fruit of the action, the action is tainted by the expectation of benefit and there is no “ease in action;” there is no detachment because the expectation is still there, a speed bump at best, or an obstacle. If one frees himself of all such ulterior motives for an action, and engages with full dedication and commitment in the action solely and uniquely for the joy of the action itself, we can then say there is ease in action, detachment or dispassion. A man should practice ease in action in all of his activities; this is called detachment.


Without some form of feedback or assessment, there is no tracking of progress. It is important to moderate your progress at regular intervals because it allows you to see what works and what doesn’t. It’s only natural for a person, particularly when starting a new practice, to be able to identify milestones and progress over time. Some things will work; others will not. When practicing, we follow my slogan, “Take the best; leave the rest,” particularly when separating the gems from the junk. Reflection is one way we do this; another way is journaling. Once you have a baseline and have established patterns and habit, you can make the changes needed to enhance the experience of your journey. 

Unfortunately, many men rely on feedback from their surroundings or peers. Big mistake. It’s a big mistake because such reliance usually takes the form of comparison, which inevitably urges the man to use their behaviors or external (others’) expectations as a benchmark, thus perpetuating and propagating the adverse effects of TCC. When in doubt and when seeking feedback your recourse should be to the five steps or to a trusted mentor, who will guide you to finding your own answers, rather than appropriating the rubble of other men’s lives.

Clearly, the 5-step model is very rudimentary but it’s a start. The Homoerotic Yogic Tantra programs, Mascul-IN-Touch℠  and Mascul-IN-Timacy℠ take a man on a far deeper exploration of self-awareness, self-knowledge, and exploration and discovery of the tāntric Beloved, the iṣṭadeva (इष्टदेव) or Tāntric Lover. It’s a journey of focus and depth that requires a man to have a warrior spirit and a loving heart.

Other Useful Tactics

Other steps in your plan to disentangle yourself from TCC, to de-energize any negative thoughts or other obstacles, and to move forward with your life include:

  • Acknowledging your vulnerability and accepting it;
  • Acknowledging your flaws and impurities;
  • Avoiding the urge to rewrite the past, deny the present, or compose the future;
  • Refusing to return to fight old battles;
  • Accepting your own perfect imperfections and those of others;
  • Letting go of expectations;
  • Refusing to live others’ lives or to allow them to live yours;
  • Being decisive: stand your ground; don’t leave the door ajar;
  • Resolving to change your own behavior and preparing yourself for possibly strong reactions from family, friends, outsiders;
  • At all times giving rather than receiving, practicing restraint and moderation;
  • Reflecting on your own responses, perceptions, thoughts;
  • Avoiding adoption of others’ paths, including that of self-help books, videos, etc., and fake guru-s spreading overgeneralized and blanket teaching and solutions;
  • Becoming authentic;
  • Practicing homoerotic yogic tāntric principles, including the yama-s and the niyama-s; at minimum the 5-steps;
  • Engaging the guidance of a competent mentor.

I cannot overemphasize the importance of having a competent mentor involved in your practices. You may enjoy doing much of your work on your own, and the path can be compared with a journey. While it may be very worthwhile and rewarding to strike out on your own, it’s always nice to have a tour guide to explain things you might find difficult to understand or fully appreciate.

How to Move On

Some men are natural loners and feel they can manage on their own. My advice is: OK. Try it. I’ll be waiting here. This is not a weekend hike, it’s a long-haul experience. Everyone needs the support of a like-minded community for those difficult moments or the uphill battles. This is why it’s important to consider joining a saṅgha (सङ्घ) or men’s community like Homoerotic Yogic Tantra. I also think it’s useful as an alternative to join a traditional yoga (योग) or meditation group near you; I do caution you to be very selective and critical when joining public groups, however, and be aware of their limitations, culture, and values, however.

In conclusion, I will repeat that I cannot overemphasize the importance of having a competent mentor involved in your practices. You may enjoy doing much of your work on your own, and the path can be compared with a journey. While it may be very worthwhile and rewarding to strike out on your own, it’s always nice to have a tour guide to explain things you might find difficult to understand or fully appreciate.


[1] Similar to the eight limbs of aṣṭāṅgayoga (अष्टाङ्गयोग), which are integral components of the Homoerotic Yogic Tantra system, I emphasize the importance of the yama-s and niyama-s, the personal and social ethical principles of classical yoga, as foundational awareness.

[2] While expectations are the source of many problems and suffering, particularly in a conversation about TCC, I generally try to avoid using the word. I should however emphasize that despite the overarching notion of the negative effects of expectations, there are also healthy expectations, so expectation cannot be painted with such broad strokes that all expectation is considered to be negative. Discernment is the key to determining the nature of any expectation.

[3] Ease of action should be understood as uninhibited, unobstructed, naturally flowing action rather than facility (read: facile) or convenience of an action.

[4] Do not confuse the karma (कर्म) of action with the law of karma (कर्म) or the law of action and consequence.

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It would be very helpful and generous if you were to leave a comment about your insights and thoughts inspired by today’s text. Please use the Comment feature below to leave your comment/remarks for us to read and reflect on.

Dāka Karuṇā T. (William)
दाक करुणा तान्त्रिक

ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॥
Oṃ śānti, śānti, śāntiḥ ||
Peace to you in body, heart-mind, and spirit!

Of course, if you have any questions or need personal guidance, please contact me.

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 have written about the misconception of love in the 21st century, particularly in the West, in the social media/smart phone age. As a word, Love is horribly misused and overused to the extent that it really doesn’t communicate very much at all; as a concept is horribly misunderstood and distorted. Those are just some of the reasons why in Homoerotic Yogic Tantra we very rarely use the word when we discuss the special relationship between two homoerotic men, and instead use more expressive, precise terms to describe what is happening and when. As you progress through the practices, exercises, conversations, and rituals of Homoerotic Yogic Tantra and, particularly, the Mascul-IN-Touch℠ and Mascul-IN-Timacy℠ programs you will learn those words and how to use them meaningfully.[1]

I have never met a man who wasn’t in search of that special relationship called ‘true love’; many believe it is the bedrock foundation of long-term relationship (LTR) but I disagree. What most men want is long-term gratification (LTG), maybe even control, maybe even trust and commitment, especially when the steamy moments cool. Too many men expect a long-term relationship to just pop out of the box, and provide a lifetime — or at least a couple of weeks — of pure, nonstop bliss. You’ve already failed but how did that happen?

How can something that started so beautifully — or so you think in your fantasy world of La-La Land —, something you want so badly it hurts, just evaporate in a couple of days or weeks? And why, after so many failed attempts to attract Mr. Right, you still just don’t have him; you still don’t, can’t, won’t understand why ‘love’ and Mr. Right continue to elude you.

First hard fact: Love is not eluding you, you are eluding love.
Second hard fact: There is no such thing as Mr. Right; you will find only his living manifestation, Mr. Maintenance.

You may say, I’m ready and I’m waiting for the right man to come along so that we can fall in love, set up house, and sail off into the romantic sunset of domestic bliss. But the reality is that you are literally sabotaging any potential relationship, and you have no clue how you are doing it. “What am I doing wrong?” or “What’s wrong with me?” or “Why are men so fake?” are just a couple of the questions I hear when discussing failed relationships.

You may not want to hear this but you may be your relationships’ worst enemy; you may think you’re ready for a solid meaningful relationship but you’re not. You are totally unprepared for relationship and that’s why they fail. Yes, you have to prepare yourself for relationship. Surprised?

Yes, you sure are! And you might be even more surprised to learn that I have identified a number of surefire ways to stymie any hope of nurturing a new relationship and growing it into a meaningful commitment. Let’s look at a couple of biggies.

You discard the opportunity before you fully explore it. So you meet someone on social media or in some other meetup, and that someone approaches you and wants to continue the conversation; he may ask to get to know you in a chat. How many times have you simply dropped the ball and closed the door in his face. How often have you asked that useless, idiotic question, “How old are you,” or by asking for a photo in the first lines of a chat? You shown your shallowness and superficiality. By the end of the chat, you will have found every idiotic excuse why the relationship — or any relationship —, is ruled out. You think you’re just not interested or not in the mood. He’s not good enough. But are YOU?

You don’t even give it a chance, less of a chance than an ice cube in hell, and before you know it, you’ve alienated him.

You need to cultivate interest if you are to have a chance at relationship; when I talk about nurturing a new contact I mean you have to genuinely show that you care about him, selflessly, treat him like a seedling that needs to be tended to, watered and fed like anything else in order to grow. Even if you’re not into chat or discovery through email, why not give it a go anyway, and at least make a new friend? Just like in a face-to-face physical meetup, you don’t have to dive right into something initially romantic or intimate — too much too fast and too soon is a common killer —, there’s bound to be something to pique your interest and hold your attention; if not, which is very rare, you can always call a time-out, and cut the interaction short if you absolutely must. You can tell a lot about him by treating him with respect and interest, later by observing his reactions and responses in the many types of settings that will arise. Lasting impressions frequently change after first impressions.

You insist on staying in your personal comfort zone. You may be seriously limiting yourself and your relationship opportunities if you insist on staying in your personal comfort zone, whether that be in terms of age group, personal, usually limited interests, proximity and location, belief or spiritual traditions, etc. Too many men seem to gravitate towards the routine, familiar, and safe like, for example, the same groups, clubs, places, etc., and that can become a serious obstacle to finding relationship candidates; leaving the nest of familiarity and the fact of having been taken for granted will open the gates to a great deal of self-discovery and new possibilities.

Try something new. Do you enjoy hiking? Ha! You probably don’t even know. Have you ever even hiked at all? Well, find a group and go hiking! Do you want to learn more about spirituality and how it is a foundation for self-awakening and exploration and discovery of another man? Join Homoerotic Yogic Tantra and sign up for a program like Mascul-IN-Touch℠  or Mascul-IN-Timacy℠. Let what you are seeking find you naturally and effortlessly; you’ll meet other interesting men without having to be introduced or spend your free time surfing the net or in clubs, or worse, becoming addicted to social media. There’s a saying that teaches that stepping outside of our protective circles makes them broader and fuller of potential; every new relationship is a discovery and the start of new experiences, learning, and meaning.

Finding the Beloved is a journey you have to travel alone. If you are constantly in the company of safe friends and acquaintances, you may appear to be a herd animal to an observer. Moreover, if you are constantly chattering in a group, a potential relationship may not be so extravert to feel comfortable crashing your fake party. Opportunity lost. Social media tends to be one-on-one, and escape is easier if you are faint of heart, but you’ll never capture anyone’s interest if you’re never alone, available, and accessible. Go to happy hour alone once in a while. Strike up an impromptu conversation with someone or welcome an attempt by someone to start a conversation, and participate in it. Be accessible and be interesting.

Thinking of a vacation? If you go with your family or a group of friends, accept the fact that your options are severely limited; admittedly traveling alone may feel uncomfortable at first, but if you are accessible, you won’t be alone for long. 90% of everyone else on the cruise or tour is there for the same reasons as you are: to get away from family, friends, co-workers, routine, the familiar and the safe, and to meet new people and make new experiences. Profit by the opportunities.

I’m not suggesting that you throw all caution to the winds, but it can be very empowering to navigate the unexpected waters of traveling on your own. It will force you to be social and puts you in charge of your own adventures. Rest and relaxation are nice but after a couple of days of rest and relaxation, anyone alive will begin to crave human interaction and social activity. Sightseeing, going on an excursion, or just going on a discovery daytrip with a group of intrepid travelers is a good way to start the conversation.

You don’t have to go on a cruise to meet new people. There are plenty of meetups where you can mingle with people with any variety of interests right in your own area. All you have to do is look around.

Is your job a major obstacle to your personal life?  Too many men work too much; sometimes 60 to 70 hours a week.  That’s not dedication, it’s addiction, and it’s inhuman and leaves no room for recreation or relationship. Besides, if you ‘love’ your job that much and think your work is fun, you may need therapy or another job. If a job leaves little time for anything else, including finding a romantic relationship, you really need to re-assess your situation. One fact remains true: it is highly unlikely that you will find a partner or relationship at your desk or staring into your electronic device or at your computer screen.

You are constantly too busy looking for a partner or a relationship, and missing it when it’s there. The mystic poet Rūmī had it right when he advised, “what you are seeking is seeking you.” If you are personally, emotionally, and spiritually prepared, you will be confident that what you are looking for will find you, and this is particularly true when it comes to relationship and commitment. First of all, you have to prepare yourself, so when the expected guest arrives, he has a pleasant place to stay. You must also be able to focus and be aware and mindful in order to counteract the harmful effects of the bad habit of being too obviously looking but not seeing. You can avoid a lot of unpleasantness and suffering if you simply give your daily experiences — including the extraordinary ones — the single-minded attention they deserve.

Your sense of urgency can get the best of you when you meet interesting new people in any setting. You may unconsciously be telegraphing everything going on in your mind, and giving away that you are not focused on what is immediately in front of you. Wandering eyes and mind signal superficiality and shallowness. Thinking throughout the conversation, “Is he single? Is that a wedding ring I see?” distracts from the moment; being in the moment, being mindful while being aware keeps you on course and allows the relationship potential to unfold without unnecessary distractions tripping things up. Real relationship cannot be forced; very often true engagement happens when you stop looking so desperately for it.

You’re looking for love in the wrong places. Generally, if you’re looking in the wrong places, the chances are very high that you’ll find the wrong people. Serious, committed, focused people; that is, people for whom you should be looking, are not in the gym to find love, they’re there to work out. You may think that you’re chances will be good by going to a party or a bar. Sure, your chances may be pretty good for a hook up but admit it, most of the other people there are there for the same misguided reason. Or worse still, they’re not interested in relationship, just in a quicky or a one-nighter. Puts a damper on any realistic expectations, doesn’t it?

Grounded men love to walk the dog in the park or browse the library or gallery. A potential partner may be sitting right next to you on the train reading a book, or he likes to shop at Trader Joe’s, presenting you with a valuable opening. He might be next door to your mom’s, alone on a ladder cleaning gutters, another opening.  Love might be in line in front of you ordering at Starbuck’s; tall latte, just what you like, too. Share a table. True relationship frequently hides in plain sight, and often surfaces where and when you least expect it.

I really don’t dance but I fuck like a bunny. So you just sit there and think how bored you are. Real interesting, right? They’re just lining up to get on your nonexistent dance card. Right. So you just sit there or stand there leaning on the bar and wait, and wait, until last call. And then you go home. Alone. You’re self-defeating strategy is to hide out in the open. Unfortunately, it’s working. I have found that some of the best encounters happen on the dance floor where body language, facial expressions (particularly smiles), and having fun set the mood rather than hesitant, furtive conversations, or trying too hard to look mysteriously interesting. Get up and dance, with or without a partner; let your hips do the talking; your booty doesn’t lie. The great dancer-choreographer Martha Graham once said, “Dance is the hidden language of the soul of the body.” Let your soul do the talking.

In Homoerotic Yogic Tantra I teach that the mūlādhāra (मूलाधार) cakra situated in the pelvic floor is the grounding center and reservoir of the  subtle energies, including those associated with pleasure, sensuality, and joy. You learn to exercise, tone, and exploit the powers of the pelvis in Mascul-IN-Touch℠, and in Mascul-IN-Timacy℠, you use those skills with your Tāntric Lover in homoerotic rituals and practices, involving awareness, arousal, stimulation, and sacred touch and dance.

Most men expect instant connection; long-term relationship straight out of the box. No reasonable man would admit that that is a realistic expectation but they still believe it will happen! Some couples say that for them, it was love at first sight. Rubbish! They can look at you straight-faced and say it without blinking because they’re in authentic relationship now, and they forgot about all the work that went into it. The truth is, love never happens instantly; infatuation does but not love. The dating services and the movie industry want us to believe in instant love, connection magic, happy ever after, etc. and while those are sweet fantasies and sell romantic movies and soppy novels, it’s not exactly reality. Connection takes a bit of work and a lot of TLC maintenance, so it’s important to move slowly forward and let the flavors and fragrances of reciprocal attraction and resonance blend together naturally and safely.

Why do men overlook shared grounding and go straight for the prize, prematurely? His holiness the Dalai Lama makes a powerful statement that relates well to this topic: “Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries, without them humanity cannot survive.” Unfortunately, western cultural conditioning, stereotypes, and social scripts do not provide a man with the wherewithal or the resources for connection with other men in deeper places or experiences that nourish the masculine soul.

Authentic relationship, engagement, commitment, surrender should come to us via shared acts of compassion; compassion is acting for the good of another. Your intrinsic and inherent masculine goodness is what naturally drives your conscience and your actions, unless society sets obstacles. How do you want to be involved with others? What are your feelings towards other creatures? Do you respond to an urge to help, teach, defend others? Or are you a slave to social or political agendas or partisan policy? Are you a man who feels called to a simpler life, to practicing noble personal and social ethics and values? Or do you spend your Saturdays on the couch eating junk food and guzzling beer, watching others taking action on Netflix or some porn channel.

Authentic relationship can frequently be found in places and opportunities where sensitivity and compassion can find expression.

Is it true that men are in relationship only for the sex. Well, I really have to admit that a large majority of men are purely and simply, well, not much more than dogs. I say that with a twinge of guilt because I am a dog lover, and I think that a man can learn a hell of a lot about commitment and dedication simply be being with a canine companion. But there is a misguided popular cliché that dogs don’t discriminate and are kind of, well, sleezy. Maybe all dogs aren’t that way but we do know many men are.

Cultural conditioning, stereotypes, and social scripts have enabled men to become cliché parodies of masculinity and maleness, and most men do nothing to improve their image. A man is encouraged to try to impress other men in the pack that he has reproductive prowess, a bigger dick, more cum, and more staying power that others should envy. After all, men don’t have emotions or if they do, they shouldn’t show them. Men have to be strong and never show any effeminate gentleness or cooperation. Men have to be aggressive and competitive. Right? Wrong! All that’s downright and fundamentally wrong! It’s toxic cultural conditioning at work doing its worst!

Sure, as human beings we want to satisfy our physical needs and urges, and we frequently look for ways of feeling good without the hassle of love or commitments. I think that’s one of the problems, one of the obstacles that prevents a man from surrendering to relationship.

It’s no secret that when most homoerotic men start seeking, the whole experience starts out with physical attraction and sex; if the sex is good, maybe, just maybe he’ll look a bit deeper into the possibilities. But really, how often does that happen? The typical man thinks sex first, and maybe he’ll think about love later. But the tragic effect of instant gratification, one night stands, and restroom hand-jobs is instant objectification; the partner loses all humanity and becomes an object. Can you really love an object? The unfortunate answer might be Yes but that’s the wrong answer.

It may seem like last year’s holiday fruitcake but it does appear that waiting to have sex is quite often the key to a lasting connection. When a man learns to be aware of and to respect the process of his physical urges and drives, his emotions and feelings, and when discerns what he is seeking, why, and what he values and wants, he can practice restraint and allow his urges, desires, and longings to settle and balance out rather than to build up uncontolledly to explosive dimensions. Eros, not sex, becomes a constructive creative element of the integrated story. Instant gratification, objectification of another man, and unawareness of one’s self is like picking up a great book, reading the first couple of pages, and skipping ahead several chapters to get to the final chapter; that approach will ruin even the best book plot.

When you become aware of yourself and who and what you are, you put yourself in a more favorable position to stop self-defeating behaviors that hijack your efforts and your relationships. Rūmī had it perfectly right, “what you seek is seeking you,” turn on the porch lights and what you most long for just might come knocking on your door.

Slow down, you move too fast.
You got to make the morning last.
Just kicking down the cobble stones.
Looking for fun and feelin’ groovy.

(Simon & Garfunkel – The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin’ Groovy))


[1] Believe it or not, Sanskrit has more than 90 words for the English word ‘love.’ Here are just a couple of examples to show how Sanskrit distinguishes this ephemeral emotion:

  • स्नेह (Sneha): Love characterized by affection, kindness, tenderness; ex. maternal love for a child.
  • काम (Kama): Love characterized by erotic or physical desire; ex. the instructions in the Kama Sutra.
  • अनुरक्ति (Anurakti): Love characterized by passion or attachment.
  • रति (Rati): Love characterized by physical, sexual delight, pleasure, or desire. (This word originally meant to enjoy or delight in something or someone).
  • प्रिय (Priya): Love characterized by fondness, devotion, attachment.
  • भक्ति (Bhakti): Love characterized by worship, faithfulness, loyalty.

It would be very helpful and generous if you were to leave a comment about your insights and thoughts inspired by today’s text. Please use the Comment feature below to leave your comment/remarks for us to read and reflect on.

Dāka Karuṇā T. (William)
दाक करुणा तान्त्रिक

ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॥
Oṃ śānti, śānti, śāntiḥ ||
Peace to you in body, heart-mind, and spirit!

Of course, if you have any questions or need personal guidance, please contact me.

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man does not have to assume the appearance of a woman or become a woman or act like a woman to reject toxic cultural conditioning, harmful stereotypes, or social scripting or to express his countercultural orientation; all he has to do is become self-aware and reject the fiction of toxic maleness that has been forced upon him by Western culture. He can choose to express his homoeroticism and both the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine principles in healthy and transformative ways. The Warrior-in-Balance can be both fierce and gentle; he can be a hero who is equally at ease expressing his masculine or his feminine natures, both in balance.

Don’t you think it’s time to change direction in your life? You don’t want to spend your life as a stereotype, a cipher, or a cast member acting out the script of a third rate play, do you?

Well, at some time in the Orientation Period, I have to ask the men who contact me seeking admission in the Homoerotic Yogic Tantra programs: “Are you a meat puppet of toxic cultural conditioning, living out a stereotype of masculinity, and doing everything according to the social script you’ve been handed. Or are you the incarnation of a Divine Masculine Warrior-Hero Spirit with the task of playfully creating a world in which men can become physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy, whole, responsible, and unfettered, and who can live full, rounded, satisfying lives that are not just good for themselves but good for the others around them?” It’s a very complex question, I know, but if you are of the Warrior Order, the Kṣatriyatā (क्षत्रियता), you know, you feel, you intuit exactly what it means.

When I first heard talk about the gender politics and gender ideologies behind the LGBTQ and the “trans” movements, I didn’t turn my back on it and join the cancel-culture mob promoting it on censorial social media nor the majority labeling it as crazy perverse, I faced it head on and said, “Tell me more!” What I heard was not persuasive, much less compelling, and the word that came up was not weird but hypocrisy. Surprisingly, I did not find the hypocrisy on the part of the majority of homoerotic persons who cultivate the freedom for same-gender/same-sex sensual relationships but in the representations and the propaganda message of the LGBTQ and trans movements that tend to punish those asking them to “tell me more,” rather than enter into reciprocally informative dialogue. Oh, the affectations of the mob!

I wonder what would have become of me and my programs had I assumed that sort of stance vis-à-vis men who questioned the value of Homoerotic Yogic Tantra, and why it was so important for them to become healthily countercultural and shed the fetters of toxic cultural conditioning and stereotypes. But then, I didn’t have Silicon Valley woke culture support of programs that promote freedom of the masculine spirit and healthy masculinity — their agenda’s purpose resides in destroying the uniqueness of masculinity and blurring the sacred meaning of maleness —, nor did the social media Community Standards Police, the censors of free expression, appreciate my celebration of the male Beloved nor my rejection of objectifying men by the narcissist–exhibitionists posting their soft and hard porn on social media to the delight of the voyeur community or their closeted consumers.

Rather, I stand amazed, even saddened, that so many ordinary, low-self-esteem men continue to be enthralled by images of sociopathic, narcissistic muscled men who flaunt themselves promiscuously, and frequently sell “fans only” subscriptions for as little as $5 to “see more”, oblivious to the potential to literally ruin their lives. But even worse still, by posing in their jockstraps and g-strings or pushing their bare asses to fill the entire frame, they are not only objectifying themselves but degrading the whole of manhood. Their stupid displays are exactly the male version of the sexual exploitation women have been complaining of for generations. Those men who enjoy looking at such exhibitionist-narcissists are equally guilty and have their own perversion, voyeurism.

The real damage is just postponed, when you think of the frustration and depression they will experience, once the 30s, and midlife hit them head on, and they have to leave the gym to pursue life in the real world and a dead-end job, if they can even land one. Realize one fact: once it’s on the Internet it’s there for everyone and forever. But they’re not aware of that; they’re not aware of anything.

Maybe I am suffering a sort of ‘survivor’s guilt’[1] when I survey the posts and the images of suffering men, including those muscled ‘studs,’ who, yes, are also suffering; they’re suffering in ways different from the ways, in which the ordinary man suffers; the exhibitionists are lonely and have no real identity, and so they bare themselves hoping to be able to market the only thing they consider valuable, something impermanent, something that vanishes quickly over a very short time, but they still want to be received, accepted, wanted, which they achieve but in the worst, wrong ways.


Think of it this way: Men are born with a body that, unless external forces interfere, develops into a certain body type, which is his normal, natural body. With normal exercise and healthy nutrition, a man’s body develops in natural proportions. He does not look like a chiseled statue depicting ideal body proportions nor is he Jabba the Hutt; he’s naturally normal, which is not a bad thing. Now visualize any of the figures you see on social media, the men who clearly spend every waking hour in a gym and pose with 27” waists, 50” chests and, 18” biceps, posing half-naked or naked, and promoting a fans only site if you want to see “more.”

Those men are not normal or healthy, psychologically or physically, they are narcissist-exhibitionists, a psychopathology, and they are morally bankrupt. They started out with a natural body but decided that they did not like their body — a disorder called body dysphoria —, and they decided to change. They changed their body by spending untold hours in a gym obsessively pushing, pulling, hoisting weights they would never attempt if they had to do so to earn a living. Their sole pursuit in life is to get bigger, and they never reach big enough. Totally self-absorbed, they can only offer their bizarre appearance as a poor substitute for authentic self; they are too self-absorbed to be of any use to another human being. The tradeoff for the now body is disability and obsession later in life, total frustration, injury, and very likely loneliness, because they never learned how to relate authentically and compassionately to another human being. Their whole world is unnatural and excessive.[2]

Identity in the 21st century has become a ‘hot-button issue,’ a neo-religion, but why is it fueled by illusion, dystopia, dysphoria, anger, mobbing, and vitriol? Why so negative? Why has individual reality taken precedence over bedrock issues, and why is there the linguistic battle dominated by the language of Silicon Valley, a language which makes it near impossible for anyone to say what he has to say without fear of suspension, blocking, cancelation, or mob violence? The culture of be this or else. It’s incredibly one-sided.

There is a thinly disguised Marxism in our midst that dictates that power rules, and that human beings in their nature of infinite malleability can, should, and must be molded in the view of whomever holds the utopian or dystopian controls, those with the power. Cower now, submit, or vanish.

The very fact that identity politics[3] is so paradoxically unidentifiable that it has to provide a unique identity for practically any and every human being who is dissatisfied with his identity —let’s call it identity dysphoria —, including his own biology, should convince anyone that the world is locked into developmental stage that froze at the level of a 2-year old, a developmental stage in which identity is highly fluid, a stage where language is stalled at the exclamation ‘No!’ as an affirmation of an uncertain sense of autonomy, and the temper tantrum is the most effective weapon, not because it actually works, but because it is so annoying, so frightening to anyone witnessing it. Now imagine half the human race behaving like a two-year old, and the other half standing by, terrified by the loss of self-control they are witnessing. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Two-year olds like to play games, games like house, mommy and daddy, doctor, and similar role playing, but for the two-year old there’s fluidity, the boy can alternate between daddy and mommy when it suits him. Fast forward 20 years to the now 22-year old who still wants the two-year-old’s fluidity; he wants to be a girl, wants to be called ‘she’, demands that the world accept the identity he wants to assume simply because (s)he says that’s what (s)he is. Identity run amok. It’s all OK because next week he’ll want to be a ‘he/him’ again; it’s so easy to change a profile and a pronoun. But what about the core identity, personality…that’s where the real problem resides. The situation is textbook for sociopathic absence of self-awareness.

One has to stand aghast that a biological reality that worked for several hundred million years, the undisputable fact of biological sex, thanks to compelled speech, has been shelved in favor of individual preference of subjective gender identity — and arbitrary, ambiguous pronouns. The dissemination of this notion and its promulgation even in legislation has wreaked tremendous confusion among impressionable young people; the young have become the sacrificial victims of sinister political agendas. This has become what some have called a psychogenic epidemic, and has increased overall negative emotion to catastrophic levels. Where self-consciousness was once spoken of as a positive attribute of human beings, the new self-consciousness loaded with negative emotion, the experience of guilt, shame, anxiety, confusion; unresolved puberty and psychophysical transformation results in gender dysphoria at best, psychological, spiritual, or physical suicidal ideation or successful self-harm at worst. Add to this mix the problem of male-female physical dimorphism and the perception of body dysmorphia, gender dysphoria, and emotional contagion among peer groups, and the situation approaches critical mass. Remember now that we are dealing largely with young or immatured adults who have stalled at 2-years old psychologically.

Why has this become the problem that it is today? The short answer is toxic cultural conditioning (TCC) and stereotyping, and add to that politically approved, compelled social scripts. For the agendas to work, religion and transcendent spirituality have to go! The solid bedrock of tradition and traditional core values need to be erased and a new foundation of crumbling stone substituted; anxiety, fear, confusion, uncertainty makes any group or population easily controllable.

You see if you are a boy but you are smallish, non-athletic, like creative activities rather than physical activities, like people and cooperation rather than competition, then Western society plants the seed of doubt of your masculinity, you look like a boy but maybe you’re not. Two routes are available: effeminacy or hypermasculinity, both self-destructive mechanisms and both socially mock-worthy. Social media has become the breeding ground for asocial socially anxious people with no conversational ability but loaded with a litany of obsessive thoughts about themselves, and worse, subclinical or clinical narcissism and negative emotion, or borderline anthropophobia[4] or allodoxaphobia[5].

The fact is that most human beings have some level of variability in temperament, a healthy flexibility but that variability does not mean that one’s biological reality is disordered or expendable. At the extreme we have the man who claims to be a woman and who says he feels he is a woman but has sex with women; his claim to be in some bizarre gendered way a ‘woman’ has clearly been disproved! Nor is running away from something like intersexual effeminacy or phallic hypermasculinity into fantasy the way to confront or resolve any disharmony or dysphoria, rather to be mindful and focused, as Homoerotic Yogic Tantra teaches.

Here’s a little psychotherapeutic exercise: Next time, when you go into a social media situation I’d like you to go through the social niceties of introducing yourself and making sure your contact knows your name and a little about you. Do this each time you interact until you have it ‘ritualized.’ Once you practice this approach your interactions will likely not become a source of anxiety because the next thing you will do is make the other person as comfortable as possible, to let him know he has your full attention, your focus is on him, and so by shifting your attention to him, you think less about yourself. The fact is, particularly on social media, the more you obsess about yourself, that self-consciousness becomes negative and the emotional and spiritual chaos makes you miserable, a suffering mass. Just be you, naturally you; not what you think you should be, not what you ideally want to be, nor what you are told to be. Be you.

And guess what? The social media networks are set up in such a way as to provide a stage for all of this to play out; so that casual subsurface derogatory derisive narcissistic mocking is not only allowed by the so-called Community Standards Police (CSP) — not human supervision but AI algorithms telling you, the human, that you’re violating some other algorithm; no dialogue just a notification —, but staggeringly prevalent on the more pedestrian platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, etc. The rampant epidemic of allodoxaphobia, the fear of others’ opinions, means that if you disagree or offer a contrary analysis, you will likely be accused of harassment or bullying by the Community Standards Police, and warned if not suspended!

The closest example I can think of when illustrating the parody of stereotypical males and females is just that, a parody. Take for example is the fiction genre of the romance novel, most of which are written either by women or for women or both, and in which the men in the novels are nothing like real men, because they are men written for women. The same can be said about women in porn — or for that matter, the men in porn —; they are nothing like real men or women, they are parodies. So why do real-life men and women try to associate with them, even to emulate them? Good question. This is narcissistic delusion in conflict with reality itself.

Here’s a little scenario for reflection: Why is it that an image of a soldier in combat gear tenderly holding and cuddling a kitten arouses one set of emotions, while a soldier in combat gear aggressively pressing his knee into an adversary’s neck arouses a set of completely different emotions. Both are men, both are in similar situations, but both are behaving in very different but reasonable manners. What are your emotions when seeing the two images? Why do you think your emotions are different in the two situations? What if the one were kicking the kitten and the other kissing his adversary? Think about your own reactions.

One of the reasons for this is, well, confusion. A man has complex inherent feelings and sensations that really need to be expressed but he, the man, is told that he should not express them, that there is a laundry list of things that he can express appropriately and only those, or risk being sanctioned. So he becomes psychospiritually confused and feels dissociated from his nature; he is now a neurotic.

One of the aims of Homoerotic Yogic Tantra is to show a man how he can become aware of and accept himself (Mascul-IN-Touch℠), and then how he can meaningfully become aware of and relate to another man (Mascul-IN-Timacy℠). He can be both the fierce warrior and the gentle companion, and the outside world reaps the benefits but doesn’t know why. Homoerotic Yogic Tantra is built upon a bedrock foundation of self-affirming masculine spirituality, masculine self-enchantment.

First, let me state that categorically I do not endorse the pitiful label LGBTQ, because I do not lump lesbians and gay men together; they are fundamentally different. Nor do I conflate lesbian and gay with trans; again, they are fundamentally different. The “Q” is yet another story but it has not yet been clearly defined. The Woke agenda is hypercountercultural and destructive in a very negative way, since it has made demands without the opportunity for dialogue, much less compromise, increasing confusion and anxiety to toxic levels. Men have to create a more nurturing, authentic ecology for themselves.

Second, I believe the artefactual gender dysphoria that had been the bane of a conspicuous minority of men for generations is now the gender dysphoria of all of Western masculinity. The confusion, anxiety, and hate that has emerged from the movements over the past 50 or so years, since the 1970s has reached the most insidious, pernicious, and harmful levels by having destroyed the ability to communicate and erased any sense of tradition and core values, while disseminating epidemic anxiety and confusion, propagating negative emotional contagion among young people and intergenerational warfare. The result has been internecine ideological warfare and a sort of inter- and intra-group cannibalism; it signals the collapse of Western society.

While the mantra is human rights, equality, social justice, the truth is quite different. Blurring or erasing completely the distinctions of male and female, masculinity and femininity, demonizing one while canonizing the other has negatively transformed human responsiveness, emphasizing negative emotion like depression, fear, anxiety, anger, shame and guilt while reducing self-esteem and self-awareness. The result is psychic insult and narcissistic rage, an example of which is what happens when one inadvertently uses the wrong pronoun.

That’s the ecology in which Homoerotic Yogic Tantra and the Mascul-IN-Touch℠ and Mascul-IN-Timacy℠ programs were born and evolved, and the environment in which we have to serve. To be clear, our basic homoerotic yogic Tantra precepts are: the male is distinct from the female, masculinity and maleness is inherently good, healthy masculinity is the healthy balanced expression of the metaphysical Masculine and Feminine Principles, true masculinity is healthy homoeroticism defined as creative sensuality, healthy masculinity must include personal and social ethics. Healthy masculinity is possible only with self-awareness, acceptance of healthy vulnerability, the ability to surrender and to trust. That’s a core principle, a central pathway, the camino real of Homoerotic Yogic Tantra.

The self-described gay or bisexual — all human beings are inherently homoerotic — man does not have to express his countercultural persona by trying to emulate a woman or to ‘be’ a woman. The discussion of what a woman is is far beyond the scope of this discussion, and has gone beyond the point of confusion or even reason. Enough said.

Homoerotic Yogic Tantra  does not define what a man is nor what a woman is; both terms are highly culturally bound and biologically determined. Homoerotic Yogic Tantradoes define masculinity and femininity in terms of the metaphysical Masculine and Feminine Principles and nurtures their expression in the individual in a healthy and transformative way. In this sense, every man can be said — and this has been shown scientifically — to be androphilic, homoerotic, androgynous, bisexual, and in my language, amphibian; in Homoerotic Yogic Tantra we do not speak of either/or but in terms of both/and. This is not a New Age or a postmodern concept or mindset, it is an accepted fact that has been taught and described since ancient times, for more than 5000 years, at least.

While admitting that Homoerotic Yogic Tantra is based on ancient wisdom, that ancient wisdom has been reframed in terms of the needs of 21st century men, particularly men-who-love-men (MLM), men who find satisfying, beautiful, natural healthy expression in homoerotic relationship and engagement based on the principles of classical eight-limb or aṣṭāṅga (अष्टाङ्ग) yoga philosophy, and in the framework of tāntric ritual and transformation.

An unfortunate fact is that most men live in a chronic state of self-ignorance, emotional lethargy, transformation anxiety or general depression. They are hyperaware of the perceived need to embody the stereotype of maleness and masculinity, and they have been made extremely uncomfortable with and constrained by that situation. The depression arises in a man’s inability to live his self-awareness, his nature, which because of cultural conditioning must be suppressed. In other words, the 21st century Western man lives a life of chronic exogenous neurosis.

So let me ask these questions again: Don’t you think it’s time to change direction in your life? You don’t want to spend your life as a stereotype, a cipher, or a cast member acting out the script of a third rate play, do you? Have your answers changed?


[1] Survivor’s guilt is a response to an event in which someone else experienced loss but you did not. It is not necessarily a response to the loss of life, it could also be the emotion experienced at someone else’s the loss of property, health, dignity, identity or any number of other things that are of value to people.

[2] I am referring here to those men who obviously want only to exhibit themselves and titillate the voyeurs on social media, some of whom will actually pay to see more poses or even sexual acts performed by these narcissist-exhibitionists. I am not referring to men who in the interest of good health and longevity engage in regular physical activity, and as the result have a buff, trim, proportioned, and attractive body at any age. Basically, this is a question of balance and proportion, something that is healthy and good, versus imbalance and disproportion, which is unnatural and immoral. The motivation must also be considered: Why is the man engaging in the particular activity and what good is being achieved by his activity? Does his activity promote good or evil?

[3] Identity politics, also commonly referred to as the politics of identity or identity-based politics, is a phrase that is widely used in the social sciences and humanities to describe the deployment of the category of identity as a tool to frame political claims, promote political ideologies, or stimulate and orientate social and political action, usually in a larger context of inequality or injustice and with the aim of asserting group distinctiveness and belonging and gaining power and recognition. (Source: Neofotistos, Vasiliki . “Identity Politics”. In obo in Anthropology. 7 Feb. 2023. <, last accessed on February 6, 2023)

[4] Fear of other people.

[5] Fear of other people’s opinions.

It would be very helpful and generous if you were to leave a comment about your insights and thoughts inspired by today’s text. Please use the Comment feature below to leave your comment/remarks for us to read and reflect on.

Dāka Karuṇā T. (William)
दाक करुणा तान्त्रिक

ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॥
Oṃ śānti, śānti, śāntiḥ ||
Peace to you in body, heart-mind, and spirit!

Of course, if you have any questions or need personal guidance, please contact me.

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Be the Lion Among the Sheep!

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An Official Site of
Homoerotic Tantra:Mascul-IN-Touch℠ & Homoerotic Hesion℠

This post is both a revelation and an invitation. It’s a revelation of something that every man should be aware of but most men avoid even thinking about. It’s an invitation because it opens the way for a very special man to take the path to self-awareness and realization of his true Divine Masculine Spirit, and become truly countersterotypical and countercultural. If you think about what I have to say and you are the right stuff, you will welcome and accept the invitation, and become naturally tāntric.

t’s been said by some pretty well-known researchers that a white male in the US doesn’t have very much going for him. That may be the scientific opinion of research groups and sociologists today but is it true? Any man today living in a first world country like the USA, Canada, or in Central Europe would have to admit that men have been dealt a loser’s hand throughout most of history but they’ve never been in such a deep rut as they are today.

Sure a steady job, money to spare, a spiffy car, smart clothes, the latest electronic toys, and all the rest of the external, superficial bells and whistles are not really the solution, as so many men are finding out the hard way. Job insecurity, failed relationships, anxiety about the future, loneliness, self-doubt, even gender insecurity are just a few of the speed bumps you and other men might be dealing with.

“OK.” you say, “Can we get to the point?” Well, isn’t that the point? Look in the mirror; is that a stranger looking back at you? Where have you, the real, natural you gone?

You get up, rush to work, spend a day among strangers. Chit chat, nothing more. You go home, unfulfilled, not very good company, kick back, turn on the TV or the laptop or check your phone…all evening. You go to bed, alone, find a porn site, ….

Cyber relationships and masturbation aren’t what they used to be, are they? They get old and so do you. Any idea where you’ll be next year this time, in five years, in ten years? Scary, isn’t it?

What you need is some relationship management, starting with yourself. You’ve been trying the traditional ways and they’ve failed because they are an old script, based on cultural conditioning
that is toxic and doesn’t work. The old scripts merely perpetuated stereotypes; they produced stereotypical men.

You need to become counterstereotypical, and you need to do that a.s.a.p.

But you’re afraid to break the mold; afraid to take that awful first step to get to know the stranger who’s been glaring back at you from the mirror, aren’t you? Time to man up, Bro.

I’ve created Homoerotic Yogic Tantra, and the Mascul-IN-Touch℠ and Mascul-IN-Timacy℠ programs for you and men like you.

First, you have to admit and be comfortable with the fact that you are homoerotic; you are a man who loves men.

Second, you need to learn that you are “yogic.” Yoga doesn’t just mean twisting and stretching; it actually means “union” or “joining.” There are 6-8 steps or limbs to the yoga of Homoerotic Yogic Tantra, starting with the restraints, the observations, comfortable postures, breathing, control of the senses, concentration, reflection and meditation. It all has names but it’s all very natural and comes naturally once you get the hang of it.

Third, it’s tāntric which means it’s countercultural, it breaks many rules. You’re not even aware of most of the rules but you’ll still be breaking them. You’ll learn about them as you move along. But being tāntric isn’t about breaking rules, it’s about living some very important rules. In Homoerotic Yogic Tantra we, you, practice what is called “red” or “left-handTantra; it’s a special traditional Tantra, that I’ve adapted to the needs of 21st century men. It’s called “red” or “left hand” because it is countercultural, reverences the body and the senses as portals to transcendence, and accepts the physical as a manifestation of the Divine. It may sound complicated but it’s not; in fact, it’s incredibly easy and natural.

Tantra is also characterized by its rituals, and we do practice rituals. In fact, in Mascul-IN-Touch℠ you learn a number of rituals that you practice alone, in solo-cultivation, in which you become aware of and explore yourself. After completing Mascul-IN-Touch℠, you progress to Mascul-IN-Timacy℠, dual-cultivation, in which you learn the rituals for exploring and sharing with the Tāntric Lover.

There are stages, rituals, and even insignia that identify you as a Tāntrika or a tāntric practitioner, and which you receive as you progress through your phases. Some of the insignia are ritual and used only in the ritual practices; others are subtle identifiers you wear or display so that other Tantrikas know you when they see you. Sort of like a Masonic secret handshake. Get it?

We all know the saying, “many are called but few are chosen.” You will also hear my personal warrior slogan: “Take the Best, leave the rest!” It definitely applies to Homoerotic Yogic Tantra. Every man I have ever met is “interested,” and wants “to know more” but the majority are too in love with depression to want to leave it. That’s why there’s an Orientation Period that is about three weeks long for most aspirants.

During the three-week orientation, you will receive an introduction to Homoerotic Yogic Tantra and Mascul-IN-Touch℠. You will do some self-assessments, a personality inventory, and you’ll have a number of conversations with me several times a week. You’ll also receive a couple of solo-cultivation modules for practice. In other words, over the three weeks of orientation, you are getting a preview of the program.

The Orientation Period is no-obligation and costs nothing but you are likely to learn a lot and walk away with more awareness and understanding of who you really are. After the three-weeks of orientation, you may be convinced that Homoerotic Yogic Tantra is what you have been missing in your life, and you will become a beginner follower. You will learn what that involves during the Orientation Period.

Homoerotic Yogic Tantra orientation is set up on a principle of visualization. Too many men are hooked on images, real or fake, and on externals; they are shallow and superficial. During the three-week orientation, no one asks for photos or personal details. The reason for this is simple: Part of the training is to look deeper into the other man, beyond the physical, towards the Divine Masculine Spirit within him. External appearances change over time but the spirit, if it is healthy, grows and transforms into something increasingly beautiful. Visualization is very important in Homoerotic Yogic Tantra and I call it “seeing with the mind’s eye.” Through sharing and later through special use of the senses, you will transcend the physical through visualization; you will now ”see” the man as he is. In Homoerotic Yogic Tantra we don’t think of time in linear terms but in cyclical terms, so age is really only a mindset. We never ask about appearance, age, or other impermanent, transient things. Our gaze is focused on the Divinity within the Tāntric Lover, and nothing else.

You may also decide that Homoerotic Yogic Tantra is not your piece of cake. I admit, it’s a lifestyle that isn’t for just anyone but one thing is certain: after you complete the Orientation Period, you’ll be more aware than you’d been ever before.

So it’s a win-win. Either you are the right stuff and commit to your true Self, or you are herd-man, and return to the herd. If you are the right stuff, you can look forward to pleasures and fulfillment; if you return to the herd, you have had the benefit of an awakening and return to your herd changed in a positive way. Either way, you win. Either way Homoerotic Yogic Tantra wins: A devotee is initiated into the saṅgha (सङ्घ) community of homoerotic yogic tāntric men or a man has been eliminated from the pool of aspirants.

The ball is in your court. You have received the challenge. Are you man enough to take the step?

Getting Started

All you need to do to start your Orientation Period is send a simple email to, telling him that you are interested in joining the Homoerotic Yogic Tantra community of men-who-love-men.

You can also go to the Homoerotic Yogic Tantra group on Facebook and join from there. If you have access to Messenger, you can also message Daka.

On LinkedIn you can join the Homoerotic Yogic Tantra & Masculine Intimacy group.

The Orientation Period is free and there are no strings attached. Homoerotic Yogic Tantra is a program promoting masculine spirituality and healthy erotosensuality for men. There are no pre-requisites, no age limit, no restrictions as to your location.

Once you decide to join the community, you will receive regular learning materials for your respective level, and will receive access and instructions on how to participate in remote sessions. If you are able to participate in 1-on-1 sessions you can be scheduled for regular tutelage; if you are a distance learner, you will have distance learning options.

It would be very helpful and generous if you were to leave a comment about your insights and thoughts inspired by today’s text. Please use the Comment feature below to leave your comment/remarks for us to read and reflect on.

Dāka Karuṇā T. (William)
दाक करुणा तान्त्रिक

ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॥
Oṃ śānti, śānti, śāntiḥ ||
Peace to you in body, heart-mind, and spirit!

Of course, if you have any questions or need personal guidance, please contact me.

Become a Patron of Homoerotic Tantra℠:Mascul-IN-Touch℠ on Patreon!

Click here: Become a Patron!

We’ve joined Patreon and would like to invite all Followers to become a Patron and Support our Work.

Meditation Compilation Ready for You!

An Official Site of Homoerotic Tantra:Mascul-IN-Touch℠

I am very pleased with the final product of the 108 Days Compilation. The PDF document is ready for distribution and looks very nice with a large number of illustrations, the reflection/meditation themes, my commentaries, a complete table of contents and a detailed index of the key words and concepts with page references. The entire manual is about 290 pages in length including the TOC and the Index. There are about 11 pages of introductory text including a section on why the No. 108 is important as well as a basic meditation primer. In a future edition, I’ll also include a bibliography but that’s a job and a half at this point. Followers, Patrons/Sponsors, and aspirant/seekers can obtain a review copy by requesting one in an email to I do not place a price tag on my teachings but I am grateful for any gift donation if you choose to keep the manual. If you do not choose to make a gift or donation for the manual itself, I do encourage you to become a supporting Patron/Sponsor. If you are financially challenged, I offer the manual to you as a gift with my blessings and the genuine wish that you benefit from your practices.

It would be very helpful and generous if you were to leave a comment about your insights and thoughts inspired by the manual. Please use the Comment feature below to leave your comment/remarks for us all to read. You can also put your private comments, suggestions, critiques in a private email to me. I am grateful for all feedback.

Of course, if you have any questions or need personal guidance, please contact me.

Read more Homoerotic Tantra 4 Gay Men. Patrons will receive a PDF copy of most articles by email.

ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॥ Oṃ  śānti, śānti, śāntiḥ || Peace to you in body, mind, and spirit!

Become a Patron of Homoerotic Tantra℠:Mascul-IN-Touch℠ on Patreon! Click here: Become a Patron! We recently joined Patreon and would like to invite all followers to become a Patron and Support my Work.

Masculine Intimacy: Part 3: Sexuality, Intimacy and the Masculine/Feminine Principles

This weeks study materials are ready and available immediately. If you are a registered sisya, you will receive your learning materials by email. If you are a patron/sponsor/supporter, you must request materials directly from Daka Karuna, unless you have provided a valid email for email delivery.

Masculine Intimacy: Part 3

What does Mascul-IN-timacy℠ Mean for Men-who-Love-Men?

ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya |

Homoerotic Couples
The Official Manual for Homoerotic Tantra:Mascul-IN-Touch

This is the second in a short series of articles introducing the Mascul-IN-Timacy program.

Om Asato Mā Sadgamaya[1]

Om Asato Mā Sad-Gamaya |
Tamaso Mā Jyotir-Gamaya |
Mṛtyor-Mā Amṛtam Gamaya |
Om Shāntih Shāntih Shāntiḥ ||

The Divine Masculine and Feminine Principles, Erotosensuality, and Homoerotic Intimacy Subtitle

Masculine Intimacy: Part 3

Men-who-Love-Men: Sexuality, Intimacy and the Masculine/Feminine
The Divine Masculine and Feminine Principles, Erotosensuality, and Homoerotic Intimacy

Mascul-IN-timacy is what happens when two men let go of anxiety and enter into a homoerotic relationship of authentic trust.

Masculine intimacy is a sense of mental, emotional, and physical closeness or openness between two homoerotic men. It is a characteristic of the close relationship a man has with his Tāntric Lover, with whom he can share everything. Homoerotic relationships should be characterized by authentic, shared masculine intimacy.

One of the major issues I have identified in aspirants is the fact that a great many focus on intimacy and erotosensuality; there is a chronic absence of intimacy in their relationships.

Most popular — as opposed to knowledgeable — writers tend to emphasize the differences in the way that men and women approach emotional connection and sensuality; that difference is artificial, a result of age-old cultural and religious dualisms that continue to plague and inhibit men to this very day. I emphasize that those invented differences affect men to this very day because women have hijacked a certain supremacy in today’s Western cultures, particularly on the American scene, and have insinuated themselves conspicuously into every conceivable cleft in the cultural monolith. Men generally, not just Men-who-Love-Men, have been marginalized to the status of minority group, and consequently experience the same “minority stresses” as those experienced decades ago by Men-who-Love-Men, but differently.

From the point of view of Homoerotic Tantra even minimal reflection on the current situation invites a discussion of the roles of the masculine and feminine principles in contemporary western men, and how the tāntric doctrines of the duality in oneness may complement and complete each other as in the mythical Ardhanārīśvara (अर्धनारीश्वर) of tāntric Sanātanadharma (सनातनधर्म) but conflict with culturally and socially duality genderized roles of man and woman.

One of the major problems faced by men today is discernment and letting go of useless habits and keeping and refining the useful ones. Hoarding is the order of the times; instant gratification of desires and passions, even before there’s time to understand what’s driving the urges. And speaking of driving, being driven has assumed the status of virtue in today’s man, even though being driven connotes being under the control of something outside of himself. It makes absolutely no sense.

Even erotosensual engagement has retained the get-it-done-and-move-on attitude of our ancestors. It’s as if we would become a tiger snack if we don’t fuck and run. A lot of songs have been written on the subject of slow hands and easy going but apparently no one’s listening. Too busy groping, poking, cumming and going.

It’s tragic and pitiful that so many men don’t even have real partners anymore; they have an electronic device and digital partners. Twitter, Instagram and so many others will provide all the titillation, exhibitionists and narcissists, and all a guy has to provide is some lube and five fingers. Done!

This is the culture. This is what the program has in store for men. Men, because they have never evolved from the paśu (पशु) stage, the herd-man, the Neanderthal. This is the cultural program for men: keep them fed and f**ked and they’ll stay under control, even if they have to f**k themselves, and they’ve become very, very good at doing that.

There are more explanations than good reasons to explain this phenomenon, but when you leave the questions and the answers to the controlling elite, the psychodynamics of this problem tend to be expressed consistently in obscure, often ambiguous clichés rather than persuasive consistent reasoning. Finger-pointing is the most finely honed skill in all segments of society. Plainly put, one side points to the emotional unavailability of the partner, while the other side point to the erotosensual unavailability of the other partner. No one talks, they just point. Fingers, whether pointing, tapping, typing, or stroking seem to have assumed independence from the brain.

Here’s one of the idiotic mantra-s of the pundits of Western erotosensuality:

Men are physical creatures. They’re from Mars. Men are hunters and hunters go after prey. Men associate proximity with availability with proximity. There is no real magic or mystery to men; they are just hardwired that way; it’s in their DNA. Men are by nature physical — and emotions are un-man.

Proximity = Availability = Proximity. The physical availability or accessibility of a man’s partner signals emotional and physical (reproductive) availability and, since men have no business having much less expressing emotion or feelings — emotions have no role in hunting, killing, warring, reproducing — men have been conditioned and socialized to believe that emotions and feelings do not make part of masculine communication apparatus.

[1] Meaning:  Lead us from the unreal to the real / Lead us from darkness to light / Lead us from death to immortality / Aum peace, peace, peace!

To continue reading this article please go to Homoerotic Tantra for Gay Men at this link: Part III.

ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॥
Oṃ śānti, śānti, śāntiḥ ||
Peace to you in body, mind, and spirit!


[1] Meaning:  Lead us from the unreal to the real / Lead us from darkness to light / Lead us from death to immortality / Aum peace, peace, peace!


[3] The current gay-marriage craze may have more heterodox agendas over and above being countercultural in modern Western culture — marriage between men is not something new; it was practiced in the ancient world — and may have the unexpected and unintended effect of revitalizing a declining institution or, alternatively, it may signal the death knell of the so-called traditional marriage and secularizing it as a civil contract without the Western religious trappings, which have become all but meaningless.

[4] By definition, a prosumer is an individual who both consumes and produces something by his consumption. A consumer is a person who looks for a product — may purchase it — and uses it. A prosumer is a person who finds a product, uses it, and then spreads the word about it. A single consumer does not affect the image of a product. A single prosumer can significantly affect the image of a product. I will be publishing an article on reflexivity, which will include a discussion of the prosumer phenomenon.

[5] I will discuss this in an upcoming article on reflectivity in men.

[6] The concept of the hero’s journey is one that was articulated by the renowned cultural anthropologist and mythologist, Joseph Campbell, and immortalized in his classic The Hero with a Thousand Faces (Barnes & Noble, n.d.. Print). I have adapted Campbell’s journey cycle for the purposes of yogic homoerotic applications and will be publishing an article on the topic.

ॐ गम गणपतये नमः
Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha

D. Karuṇā T. regrets this restriction but the Homoerotic Tantra:Mascul-IN-Touch and Homoerotic Hesion program offerings and requirements are not suited for individuals who may not have sufficient life experience or maturity to successfully practice and live the discipline required of the Tāntric Kṣatra (क्षत्र) Warrior or Hero śiṣya (शिष्य). Participation in the program and exercises has been restricted as of immediately to gay and bisexual men at least 30 years old.

ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॥
Oṃ  śānti, śānti, śāntiḥ ||
Peace to you in body, mind, and spirit!

Become a Patron of Homoerotic Tantra℠:Mascul-IN-Touch℠ on Patreon! Click here: Become a Patron!
We recently joined Patreon and would like to invite all followers to become a Patron and

The Masculine Intimacy Series: Part I

This weeks study materials are ready and available immediately. If you are a registered sisya, you will receive your learning materials by email. If you are a patron/sponsor/supporter, you must request materials directly from Daka Karuna, unless you have provided a valid email for email delivery.

Masculine Intimacy: Part 2

What does Mascul-IN-timacy℠ Mean for Men-who-Love-Men?

ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya |

Homoerotic Couples
The Official Manual for Homoerotic Tantra:Mascul-IN-Touch℠

This is the second in a short series of articles introducing the Mascul-IN-timacy program.

Om Asato Mā Sadgamaya[1]

Om Asato Mā Sad-Gamaya |
Tamaso Mā Jyotir-Gamaya |
Mṛtyor-Mā Amṛtam Gamaya |
Om Shāntih Shāntih Shāntiḥ ||

Table of Contents

  1. Some Background on a Recent Intimacy Study
  2. Male Intimacy Issues Confronting MLM
  3. The Intimacy Challenge: Nice in front but messy in the back
  4. Core Values of Homoerotic Masculine Intimacy
  5. Epilog 13

Mascul-IN-timacy is what happens when two men let go of anxiety and enter into a homoerotic relationship of authentic trust.

Masculine intimacy is a sense of mental, emotional, and physical closeness or openness between two homoerotic men. It is a characteristic of the close relationship a man has with his Tāntric Lover, with whom he can share everything. Homoerotic relationships should be characterized by authentic, shared masculine intimacy.

A.  Some Background on a Recent Intimacy Study

Researchers for Gay Couples Study (GCS) recruited male couples in long-term relationships that allowed sex with individuals outside the primary relationship. It included mostly white men aged 33-81 (average age was 51).[2] Initial findings of the GCS revealed during the Qualitative Phase include the motivations for developing and maintaining sexual agreements, such as to support stronger, healthier, and more satisfying relationships and non-heteronormative identities; to emphasize trust, safety, love, and commitment; and, to a lesser extent, to avoid HIV and STD infection. The GCS appears to have deposed the myth that the evolution from an exclusive to an open relationship is the beginning of the end.

Some couples who opened the relationship at a later time reported struggling with disagreements and tension, doubts about how much communication was necessary, differing appreciation or understanding of the need for sexual freedom and exploration, and uncomfortable feelings associated with the partner’s sex with a man outside of the relationship. Often, a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy was enacted to deal with insecurities and stress.

I find it difficult to believe that such situations are in any way psychologically, emotionally, or spiritually healthy; they are more like wanting the cake and eating it, too. When a partner can have it both ways, that is, a so-called committed relationship as well as freedom to play the entire field, I hardly think of that as commitment. Then, the study was conducted by a group at the University of California at San Francisco, so anything is possible if it comes out of California.

The exposé of the dirty little secret about gay so-called marriage is that most gay marriages are not monogamous. In an article appearing in the Atlantic, I found that the core message is that in the West, we desperately need something to make the waning institution of heteroerotic (alloerotic) marriage seem vibrant and worthwhile again. Against that despairing background, gay marriage may have something to teach, that gay relationships may provide a model for marriages in general that are more egalitarian, less stressful, and less prone to stagnation by the traditional binary-genderized roles, which, because of the ambiguity of male and female gender roles and the decline in core values, appear to be putting a fatal strain on the institution of marriage in the West.[3]

Quite reasonably, some couples in open relationships are indeed content and fulfilled, but with an adequate sampling, this fact is bound to prove true in some of the couples. Whatever the format of a relationship, well-matched partners are open, honest, and capable and willing to negotiate the terms of their relationship. Men-who-Love-Men who form couples in relationship will likely be aware of and open to healing their insecurities, confronting their anxieties, creatively confronting cultural and societal assumptions and stereotypes about homoerotic couples, and understanding that stagnation may actually be a manifestation of anxieties and uncertainties about a man’s understanding of and his ability to give and receive intimacy.

My basic teaching of awareness, acceptance of vulnerability, and confidence in surrender, while examining what is behind a man’s understanding of the emotion of love and the practice of intimacy. I believe this approach will cultivate success in homoerotic sensual relationships, regardless of their individual format or model.

B.   Male Intimacy Issues Confronting MLM

I’ll often refer to the issues confronting intimacy in Men-who-Love-Men as interdisciplinary because they are not necessarily only psychological, physiological, social, or spiritual; they are, generally speaking, products of the mind, and spans all of those planes.

Mascul-IN-timacy is therefore a holistic approach that treats the man or the couple as a composite of many parts that may need healing but does not need fixing. In the Homoerotic Tantra approach to intimacy, the specialist professional who is the key consultant in healing the intimacy issues at hand is the man himself.

Male Intimacy Issues involve primarily a restoration of the integrity of the sensuous and sensual homoerotic man in his struggle for awareness, self-knowledge, and discernment of clarity of the heart-mind. While we all are exposed to stresses in our day-to-day lives, the vast majority of us do not need therapy or medication but guidance and permission to be open and vulnerable.

While I do not approve of or condone treating most intimacy issues pharmacologically, I must point out that the widespread self-destructive behaviors in Men-who-Love-Men may involve such “self-medication” as alcohol, prescription and street drugs, gambling, over-eating, shopping, working, or risky promiscuous physical or addictive virtual sex —-this list could continue into the absolutely absurd. Exhibitionism, narcissism, gaming and excessive time spent on various social media and Internet venues are pandemic now. For many men, unhealthy sexual practices are their “self-medication of choice.” Regardless of the medication or the route of administration — whether it’s oral, anal, or mental — they all boil down at some point to become intimacy challenges for these men – masculinity, male intimacy, intimacy anxieties, relationship anxiety, whatever, male intimacy problems are more commonplace than we’d like to admit. That may be because intimacy requires and involves trust, openness, and acceptance of vulnerability, and most men simply don’t have the confidence or self-esteem to deal with these.

While it may be true that some male intimacy issues require attention from a healthcare specialist, the actual recovery or healing process for all intimacy challenges is very similar. Many, if not most, men have several of these “medications” already in their lives.

C.   The Intimacy Challenge: Nice in front but messy in the back.

Envisage the scenario: A handsome man is engaged in an erotosensual act of gratification of himself or another man. Both are rather close to the fantasy figure of a desirable man; they are apparently healthy, apparently fit, apparently horny, and apparently ready to please both himself or his partner, and you, the voyeur. You: 30+, good looking but not drop-dead-gorgeous, fairly fit, given your schedule and energy level, searching and willing to share, but not very confident when it comes to hooking up. OR: 50+, age concordant (you look and feel your age — rather, you are happy to fit the stereotype for looking and feeling your age), you are fairly well-off in terms of income and recreational money. You like the good life, travel, arts, but you don’t have a partner and are lonely; you’d enjoy some male company and, if available, the occasional roll in the hay but you just cant get in sync with the Men-who-Love-Men world as it is today. You discover an outlet…

Both of you have found pornography on social media and on the Internet. Porn has invaded your life and you feel guilty, and the threat of shame looms over you. But porn is always available, doesn’t cost a thing, provides infinite variety, and does the trick.

You are a man, around 24-35, white, fit, handsome, and an exhibitionist. You’ve got it and you don’t mind showing it — or selling it. You’ve discovered Twitter and Fans Only and you take the bait. You post a couple of selfies in what you think are seductive poses — they’re awkward but Hey! — and get some fairly decent numbers and ‘follows.’ He takes it a step higher and posts a short action video or gif. Numbers increase and so do ‘follows.’ He’s on a narcissistic high by now. He discovers Fans Only and now he can sell his alterego, #AdamAction, and he’s now posting explicit action videos of himself and sometimes of partner or group action. By this time he’s dead in the water but he doesn’t know it.

A few months later #AdamAction may be sitting in a restaurant and a man he never met approaches, “Are you #AdamAction? I love your videos.” How does he respond to the looks and the questions from around the table? Or he’s interviewing for the plum of a job and one of the exec, one of the interviewers is eying him strangley. After the interview the man asks him of he has ever made any videos or done any modeling? He squirms a little, and lies, “No. Why do you ask?” He doesn’t get the job and stops interviewing. He’s plagued by guilt, and the threat of being shamed in public again keeps him quarantined. His regret seems unbearable and to distract himself from his thoughts he gets careless and takes risks. He looks for an escape in drugs and sex…

Each of the above scenarios can be taken directly from real-life situations on an alarming scale, and they’re all facilitated by conditioning, stereotypes, and the traps provided by social media and other web-based platforms that provide opportunities for exhibitionist/narcissists and voyeurs to ply their neurotic fantasies. The situation even has a name: the psychologists and psychiatrists call it Internet addiction syndrome, while the sociologists call it prosumer phenomena.[4] Even without a name, the situation is dire and is destroying men from the inside out, perverting masculinity to pornography, and reducing male intimacy to a meta-pathology.

I like to use the metaphor of a tapestry when describing the situation above and most men, whether he’s straight or gay. If you have ever examined a tapestry, you will notice that the front is incredibly convincing, even beautiful, but if you turn it over, you’ll find that underneath it’s a mass of knots, threads, tangles, and more knots. Most men are like that: quite normal on the outside but underneath they’re a mess. The good news is that the situation is reversible.

Most men have no clue what they can do to help themselves; they have only what conditioning, socialization, and stereotypes have provided as the fixes. I’ve already given a partial list of the so-called fixes, above.

But most men think that the ultimate mood altering thrill is sensual. Orgasm is the great “zone out” pill, and many unscrupulous purveyors of New Age tantra, exotic massage, sacred sex, or whatnot are quick to offer the ultimate orgasm training — or some weird device to do the job. Sucker!

The problem with mood or mind-altering thrills is that they don’t last long, are not really satisfying, and they leave the seeker high, dry, and hungry for more, and that’s where the problems — and the addictions — start.

In contrast, the real thing, the truly effective path will appear like out of nowhere, like an epiphany. You’re just stumbling through life and you suddenly have that Aha! moment. If you are aware, you will recognize it; if you are sleep walking through life as many men are, you’ll miss it. It’s like that when dealing with intimacy between Men-who-Love-Men or men in general; they are unaware that they need something, and consequently cannot make conscious decisions as to what it is or what they need. Worse still, they’re out of touch with their inner voice, so their decision making is not spontaneous or natural.[5]

Most men would rather stick a stranger’s penis into his anus or insert some electronic device or, as in the examples I described above, go to some social media porn site to get the essential or ultimate three-second thrill; not one of them would think to go within to find the ultimate thrill: his true self. But, again referring to the examples above, maybe finding his true self may be more terrifying than he could handle without the assistance of a competent guide.

Discovery of and exposure to pornography is the usual initial dose of titillation that eventually leads to the porn habit, and then to the porn addiction which they can’t control or let go. For other men it is promiscuity or polyamory. For others it’s an illicit affair. And for many, it’s an addiction to social media or pornography sites, and they can’t quit the addiction on their own. These outlets are very common in men with intimacy issues.

Many a seeker will admit he has a problem but that awareness of the problem is not enough, because he has crossed the threshold from voluntary exposure to compulsive or even obsessive exposure, wasting hours of time and putting studies, job, and even his relationship at risk. Very often, the habit itself becomes an issue and becomes an “it or me” challenge from his partner. In some desperate cases, the habit has replaced the natural need for relationship, and has become the man’s only relationship. He deludes himself by announcing he has 500 Facebook friends or 1500 Twitter followers, or he satisfies his desire to be desired by inviting other suffering souls to join his “fans only” or his Instagram page. You know exactly what I’m describing; I may even be describing YOU!

Admittedly most seekers who find Homoerotic Tantra:Mascul-IN-Touch and Homoerotic Hesion or Mascul-IN-timacy have not gone over the brink; they’re altogether a different species of men. That having been said, while they may have their own lives on the right path, some manage to hook up with others who are on the path of self-harm. It’s the Warrior-Hero, the wounded healer in them that arouses compassion and so the story goes.

It is important to emphasize that, regardless of whether the particular behavior has escalated to habit or addiction, the man must manage the problem as his own, and not project to onto another man; nevertheless, it is critical, even vital to open the door wide to any man with a masculine intimacy challenge, who may be confronting a relationship-busting or self-harm behavior, and to offer him the opportunity to receive guidance in self-reflexivity (a deep look at who you are and how you act).

If the situation has not reached addiction proportions, most afflicted men can be helped before they do irreparable damage to themselves, their relationships, their livelihoods, and others.

Men are social animals and there is security in groups. Wounded men frequently congregate in “social” groups like clubs, bars, gyms, etc. Conditioning and socialization prohibit them from talking about the issues and wounds, or even showing the pain they are experiencing but just being in the group of silent sufferers provides a sort of temporary relief from their suffering. A group that does not offer the opportunity for sharing suffering is at best merely a distraction.

Another type of group is the support group. The difference between the social animal group and the support group is one of communication. Men in support groups communicate their pain and their suffering. They own it and share their experiences with others in the same boat. Without going into excruciating detail, I’d offer Alcoholics Anonymous as one fine example of a very successful support group.

Religion and faith-based groups have little to offer most suffering men, since such groups operate by inflexible presumptions, rules, and expectations, all of which are part of the problem of toxic cultural conditioning.

While Homoerotic Tantra:Mascul-IN-Touch and Mascul-IN-timacy℠ are not therapy of any kind nor is it a religion, I have found that the group solidarity, common goals, and structure, which calls men to higher awareness, self-knowledge, guides them to a higher level of acceptance of vulnerability and accountability, breaks the powerof the harmful behavior and provides the spiritual foundation and emotional confidence necessary to overcome any deviation from a wholesome path.

D.   Core Values of Homoerotic Masculine Intimacy

Openness, trust, and authenticity are core values of intimacy but are absent in the case in which the man himself has not honestly confronted his own intimacy challenges. If he is in a relationship, that lack of knowledge — particularly if it leads to projection — may lead to suspicion and the partner will be distracted by looking for and ultimately discovering “evidence” that confirms his suspicion that something or someone is lurking in the shadows, interfering with the relationship. This now becomes a trust issue and will be very difficult to resolve. All of the pain, suffering, and loss could have been avoided by bringing the truth into the light, assuming accountability, and letting go of the offending attachment, addiction, or emotion in a spirit of letting go or forgiveness.

As I have already said, the seeker who is committed to the discipline and practices of Homoerotic Tantra:Mascul-IN-Touch and Homoerotic Hesion would not be in such an unenviable situation.

Once the issue has reached the point of suspicion and discovery, very severe damage has been done and it will take almost superhuman effort and commitment on the part of the injured, traumatized partner(s) to induce healing; I really doubt that the support that many groups provide is really very effective. I view those groups who promise healing through online courses and workshops to be particularly suspect. The noxious habits are exposed for what they are: personality-changing behaviors that have serious harmful consequences to the man and his relationships, and which may never meet his or any viable partner’s needs for authentic intimacy, which invariably must include a healthy erotosensual relationship with a real, live, flesh-and-blood partner.

Individual spiritual inquiry and guidance are also crucial to resolving issues of masculine intimacy because it aims to assist the man in identifying the underlying dispositions that energize and drive the behavior, something I simply call the “Why.” The concept of self-reflectivity and self-cognizance are valuable skills when dealing with homoerotic masculine intimacy challenges.

This psychospiritual inquiry explores and probes the individual’s adaptation to his personal needs, and his prior perceptions and experiences as a man-in-transformation. It also provides the seeker with an opportunity to identify and to admit to what can be called “unfinished business,” or unresolved conflicts — and we all have these — which must be processed and resolved, if he is to discern more positive and viable choices, while reducing mind-clutter and distraction.

In yogic homoerotic Tantra (तन्त्र) we practice a number of techniques and methods that could be called yogic tāntric “brain spotting,” and which are used to awaken, stimulate, and channel psychospiritual and mental/emotional processes. Self-study and formation, and psychospiritual guidance in these matters is also very important in establishing the necessary self-confidence and self-esteem, as well as providing a safe, non-judgmental sacred space for unconditional sharing.

Finally, peer supervision and guidance by other seekers is the sacred satsaṅga (सत्सङ्ग)  where all the benefits from disciplined practice comes into the selfless service of other seekers, as each seeker presents his concerns and experiences for non-judgmental discussion and processing in a safe and sacred space.

Homoerotic masculine intimacy empowers every homoerotic tāntric seeker to become engaged in a divine ānandatāṇḍava (आनन्दताण्डव) or mystical “dance of bliss,” in which the Tantric Lovers are each guided, and guide each other to accept the gift of vulnerability, the opportunity to surrender, and to enter the Divine Union with the Beloved. Every seeker is guided into surrender so that the openness of the heart is shared in a way that nurtures Oneness and self-less devotion. This results in a softening of the heart and the opportunity for selfless service and compassion. The ānandatāṇḍava (आनन्दताण्डव) and lālanapāḷaṇa (लालनपाळण) bring divine playfulness and imagination into intimacy.

Any man experiencing intimacy issues must continue dealing with any manifesting problem behaviors as well as their underlying causes; he must continue to do the work of awakening and healing as he moves well beyond those transient obstacles into growing self-awareness, and surmounting any other obstacles to actualizing and realizing homoerotic male intimacy. Such men often become the wounded healers and mentors, tāntric Warrior-Heroes, and models for men still in their paśu (पशु) or herd-man stage of evolution and hungering for genuine homoerotic masculine intimacy.

Recovery from the obstacles to masculine intimacy is possible and very probable when the seeker commits to diligent practice and study, invites transformation, and is true to his commitment to liberation. A man must commit to self-awareness and acceptance of his true self in order to open the way to transformation in order to become the man he was created to be. Once he accepts the call to embark on the Hero’s journey everything else will fall into its proper place.[6]

E.   Epilog

As in all sādhana exercises and practices, practice mindfulness at every step. This will help you to avoid losing sight of your spiritual intention, and lapsing into meaningless animal paśu (पशु) gratification. At the conclusion of the sādhana exercise you should spend some time in self-reflection and meditate on what you have accomplished, and how you felt. You should journal the experience. Very importantly, you should describe the sensations, the emotions you elicited throughout the sādhana exercise and their quality (familiar, unfamiliar, pleasant, and unpleasant, etc.). If you are practicing the sādhana exercise in dual-cultivation, discuss what you and your Tāntric Lover experienced during the sādhana exercise. If you are receiving personal guidance from me, we will discuss the sādhana exercise and some of your notes at our next session, before we begin the next sādhana exercise.

ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॥
Oṃ śānti, śānti, śāntiḥ ||
Peace to you in body, mind, and spirit


[1] Meaning:  Lead us from the unreal to the real / Lead us from darkness to light / Lead us from death to immortality / Aum peace, peace, peace!


[3] The current gay-marriage craze may have more heterodox agendas over and above being countercultural in modern Western culture — marriage between men is not something new; it was practiced in the ancient world — and may have the unexpected and unintended effect of revitalizing a declining institution or, alternatively, it may signal the death knell of the so-called traditional marriage and secularizing it as a civil contract without the Western religious trappings, which have become all but meaningless.

[4] By definition, a prosumer is an individual who both consumes and produces something by his consumption. A consumer is a person who looks for a product — may purchase it — and uses it. A prosumer is a person who finds a product, uses it, and then spreads the word about it. A single consumer does not affect the image of a product. A single prosumer can significantly affect the image of a product. I will be publishing an article on reflexivity, which will include a discussion of the prosumer phenomenon.

[5] I will discuss this in an upcoming article on reflectivity in men.

[6] The concept of the hero’s journey is one that was articulated by the renowned cultural anthropologist and mythologist, Joseph Campbell, and immortalized in his classic The Hero with a Thousand Faces (Barnes & Noble, n.d.. Print). I have adapted Campbell’s journey cycle for the purposes of yogic homoerotic applications and will be publishing an article on the topic.

ॐ गम गणपतये नमः
Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha

D. Karuṇā T. regrets this restriction but the Homoerotic Tantra:Mascul-IN-Touch and Homoerotic Hesion program offerings and requirements are not suited for individuals who may not have sufficient life experience or maturity to successfully practice and live the discipline required of the Tāntric Kṣatra (क्षत्र) Warrior or Hero śiṣya (शिष्य). Participation in the program and exercises has been restricted as of immediately to gay and bisexual men at least 30 years old.

ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॥
Oṃ  śānti, śānti, śāntiḥ ||
Peace to you in body, mind, and spirit!

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